But I Never Mattered Anyway

This is the way it happens every time.
An innocent conversation that gets a little too friendly.
Soon enough, a “friend” who gets a little too friendly.
You’re smitten, even though you promised yourself that you wouldn’t be.

They always pay you so much attention in the beginning.
They reel you in and whisper sweet nothings in your ear until you are putty in their hands.
But those hands that used to hold you like you were the most precious thing they had ever held start to tighten their grip.
All of a sudden, you are stuck within their grasp and struggling to find your way out.

Why do you always let them control you?
Why does the fear of being alone triumph over the fear of what they have become?
It is a remarkable feat to be both too controlling and too distant all rolled into one pretty, poisonous picture.

They don’t call anymore.
But then, they wonder why you aren’t calling them.
Forget the good morning texts and the silly but so beloved conversations about nothing.
You’ve got a body, honey, and that is all that he’s here for.

They make you feel special.
You are all that they think about. Distance knows no bounds when love is involved, baby.
I just want you so badly to become the replacement for I love you.

I love you.
We string the words together before we even get a chance to know someone.
How can you love someone when you do not even know them?
You can’t.
That isn’t love, it’s desperation.

I hear it in your voice and I know.
You are only mine because you can’t be hers.
I could be anyone.
I don’t even have to be me.
Because I’ve got a body, baby.
And I never mattered anyway.

About the author
Like if a unicorn were a person going through an emo phase. Follow Becky on Instagram or read more articles from Becky on Thought Catalog.

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