I wish I could believe in that year we knew each other.
You are a ghost, a figment of my imagination.
Everyone always taught me that monsters are not real.
But I just spent 365 days desperately clinging to one.
No—you are not the monster.
I can almost hear your heartbreak while you’re reading this.
Time is the real monster here.
We all do so much to avoid losing it that we often forget to enjoy it while we still can.
Call it the devil or call it destiny,
Time is one monster we should all believe in.
It has the power to turn our lives upside down in just a matter of minutes.
It can take two people and tear them apart before either of them even had an idea it was over.
You occupy your time crossing off the days with big red X’s,
And you don’t even see that you are doing the same to yourself.
It’s over. Just like that we spend the time we should have been thankful for wishing it would all just end.
We are always waiting for someone or something.
And no matter how quickly we get what we want, it is never good enough.
We are always left craving more.
I am convinced we do not even know what “enough” is.
How will you know once you’ve had it, if you can’t even define what it is.
We spend so much time obsessing over when it will be the “right” time,
But then we can’t even see it when it passes us by.
Anything that consumes that much of your life and leaves you feeling empty is a monster.
Not all monsters lay hidden.
The worst of them often present themselves to us in plain sight,
Just begging us to let them in.
Can you remember the last moment you shared where you weren’t worried what would happen next?
Were you ever really present?
Or were you just biding your time and counting the days until you could leave this place, this person?
You don’t have to say something out loud for it to be true.
You can look into someone’s eyes and know everything.
All I ever saw in your eyes were hourglasses.
And every time I looked at you, I knew
This was it.
The last date, the last night, the final kiss.
I thought an apology could turn it all around,
But all it did was make it easier for you to leave.
You could have flipped it all and kept our time together running,
But you cracked the glass and let it all leave before the end should have come.
I tried so hard to pick up all the pieces, but we both knew things would never be the same.
Time had run out,
And so did we.
Now all I am left with is the fear of the next person with hourglass eyes that will capture my heart
And make time my enemy.
My biggest fear was not having enough time with you,
When all along it should have been a fear of time itself.
How terrifying that the length of a moment does not define its ability for destruction.
I let you in, I started the clock, and I handed you the hammer to smash it all to pieces.
I fell in love in a moment but left with a lifetime of hurt.
And here I am, still staring at the clock, wishing I could go back and do it all again.