You’re My Reason To Believe

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Farsai C. / Unsplash

I have always been the type of person who believes that everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason will not be obvious for years to come, but I promise you, there is always a reason.

I am still trying to understand your reason. I’m stuck between believing you were a blessing in disguise or maybe just a “be careful what you wish for.”

Sometimes I think back to the time we shared, and even though it was brief, I believe it meant more to me than the years I have spent with others. Maybe you were only here to teach me how to live more spontaneously; maybe from you I have truly learned the value of a moment. We spend so much time wishing for what we don’t have instead of enjoying everything that we do.

I thought I did my best to savor each and every moment with you, but maybe I could have done better.

We both could have done better.

I think sometimes I put you on too much of a pedestal. Yes, you showed me the type of love I had only ever dreamed of before, but I am starting to learn that a lot of people can show you pretty pictures, but only a few can actually teach you how to make them.

You taught me this.

You taught me not to trust so blindly. I never want to see the bad in anyone, but sometimes, people make mistakes and there aren’t always good intentions behind them. We act out of impulse, with little regard to the feelings of those closest to us and then we wonder why they hurt.

It’s okay to listen to your gut and live your life the way you truly want to; you just need to remember that you aren’t always the only one your decisions can affect. If you are connected to someone, you cannot just wake up one day and pretend that you aren’t.

You can only lie to yourself for so long.

I think I have been lying to myself since you left.

All I ever wanted was for you to come back. You were different from the very beginning, and I swear I have thought about you every single day since we first met. And I think I always will.

I still defend you to everyone who tries to tell me you weren’t good for me. I try to pretend like they just don’t understand, but maybe it is me who doesn’t understand. It can be so easy for us to ignore the ugly parts of the ones we love, but the truth will always surface.

All I ever wanted was for you to come back, and now I’m not so sure I ever needed that wish to come true.

Couldn’t I have learned on my own that I deserve more than just being a convenient escape for someone? Couldn’t I have told myself that often the prettiest exteriors can house the ugliest secrets? Why did I have to endure your storm to finally learn that I am no match for the rain?

Maybe you are an important lesson in my life or maybe I never should have let you come back.

You cannot change the way you lived your life in the past, but you can take your past and build a brighter future.

No matter a blessing or an omen, be glad that they happened because each and every person we meet has a reason for being in our lives.

I hope one day you find your reason. TC mark

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