I don’t know how to say this.
It’s like every time I look in the mirror, it cracks a little more.
I crack a little more.
Every glance, every stare that lingers, they all add up.
And they all hurt.
I have my days where I do not mind what I see, but I am noticing now that those days are slowly becoming few and far between.
Some days, I love my eyes.
And others, they only remind me of all of the trauma they have seen.
Some days, I smile at myself and decide that it is not so bad.
And other times, I catch my reflection and suddenly remember why I will never look like everyone else.
I think it is normal for people to be self-conscious about their facial features from time to time,
But I can’t help but blame my smile for the majority of my pain.
All of my life, I tried to stay strong and pretend like my crooked teeth didn’t bother me.
Each and every time someone told me they were ugly, I bounced back.
When dentists were rude to me when I asked why I needed braces, I chose to find someone more welcoming to see.
Even when my friends joined in on the torture, I still never caved.
But all of these years later, I am still stuck here wondering if I made the right decision.
I wonder if I would have been in love by now if my smile were more inviting.
I wonder if my career would be any further at this point if I didn’t always feel so inadequate because of my appearance.
I cannot help but wonder if my choice to try to believe in my unconventional beauty is solely responsible for how I cannot help but feel so small.
How can something so small make me feel so insignificant?
I feel so fucking insignificant.
Sometimes, I look at myself and wonder how I ever made it this far and felt the love that I have felt, all while looking like this.
People try to tell me you really do not notice it that much, but I am honestly just starting to think that it is me that people really don’t notice that much.
I am starting to doubt if I will ever find anyone I am incredibly attracted to who feels the same way about me.
I am terrified of meeting new people because the second I open my mouth, I know this could be the moment I lose them.
I try to pretend like my appearance doesn’t really bother me.
I might be a better actor than I thought.
I love others’ flaws, but I cannot love my own.
I love the little quirks that make other people unique, but in myself, I only find them to be hideous.
I have been desperately trying to find myself for so long, but every time I look in the mirror, I am only met with disappointment.
I feel like such a disappointment.
I think some people are just nice to me because they feel bad.
But if I was a stranger, would you still act this way?
I hate that we live in a society where there is a right way to look and a wrong way.
Why did I have to end up the wrong way?
They tell you to take your own unique path,
But don’t you dare so looking any differently.
One day I hope to correct my crooked teeth.
But I don’t know if anything can fix the way they have always made me feel.
I have always felt like my face was just a cruel joke created by the universe.
So much potential to be something beautiful, but just off enough to be completely unacceptable.
I think the mirror will just keep cracking until all that is left is a pile of shards.
But I will still be there desperately grasping for a glimpse of the beauty I know I will never have.