The Moment You Realize You Matter

woman sitting in sun in red dress
God & Man

I wrote you into beautiful poetry. I took all of the words I swore I would never use again and turned them into the escape I never knew I needed. I left you, finally, as the letters turned into words and words into lines and lines became pages that could fill an entire book with the feelings I thought I would never lose for you.

Time has a way of always showing us exactly what we need. What we need may not always be what we want, but what we want is often the absolute last thing that we need.

When I met you, I thought I needed another person in order to become complete. What I actually needed was myself. I had to learn how to pick up all of my own pieces and how to put myself back together after you dismantled all that I had ever known. I wanted so badly to make us work, to make you my life, but what I ended up with was far, far better.

After you came and took all that I thought I was, I learned how to dig deeper and found parts of myself I never knew existed. I hit rock bottom and kept on falling until one day, it all clicked.

It doesn’t have to be like this.

You are in control of your own feelings and your perspective on the events of your life. You can see this as the end or you can open yourself up to a beautiful new beginning and an endless realm of possibilities. What you need has always been with you. Sometimes, it just takes a little more digging to uncover what has always been there.

One day you will wake up and realize that the life you thought you were living was nothing more than an illusion, a dream of what you could have been had everything gone right. But that’s the thing—everything is never going to go right.

We paint these pretty little pictures in our heads of how we want people to be without even taking into account the people they actually are. You may be living one scenario in your head, meanwhile, your real life is rapidly unfolding before you, falling into pieces you can never manage to capture completely.

You can only erase the bad parts of someone for so long before their true colors begin to show. I should have believed you the first time when you told me you weren’t that nice of a person. I should have left you the first time you got drunk, and it upset me. I should have stopped you all of the times you pushed things just a little too far. And I should have known better that it would all end like this. But I didn’t do any of these things because I always thought you were what I needed. What I deserved.

But now I have finally realized that I am what I always needed and what I always deserved. You were just the lesson that finally taught me I was worth more than I ever thought I was. I am finding myself more and more every day, and now all I have got left for you are these words as you become nothing more to me than my train station poetry. TC mark

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