I think one of the worst things about love is never knowing what is going on inside their head. You can ask, you can speculate, but the raw truth of another’s mind is something we will never truly know. That is just the way that it is. We run blindly into love hoping our hearts have not steered us wrong, but more often than not, we end up somewhere far different than where we ever intended to be.
We promise ourselves over and over again that we will never let ourselves fall for the same games that we did before. That we will never let another person hurt us in the same way because this time we know better. This time we will be able to see the danger before we meet it. But what we never prepare ourselves for are the moments where we ourselves create the danger. We walk right into the fire and then wonder every time why we keep getting burned.
Really just stop and think about the similarities between them all. Are we really just prone to dating the same person in another form? Do we subconsciously choose those we know will hurt us because even after all of these years we still don’t believe we deserve any better? No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that this time will be different, that this person will be the one to prove them all wrong, we still keep finding ourselves right back where we started. You were alone before you met them, and now you are realizing you were alone any time you were ever with them.
It’s the same old game in a shiny new package. No matter how much you try to proceed with caution, you never quite manage to save yourself. Maybe it’s the hope that this time will be the time that shows you why all of the other ones never worked out, or maybe it is just another reminder of the cruelty people are capable of when we finally decide to let them in.
Whatever the case may be, it is time to make a change.
You cannot live your entire life waiting around for people who don’t actually care about you to decide that they do. People who care about you won’t ignore you. They will not cast you aside the moment they aren’t in your presence anymore because they will understand how to be present without physically being there. I know it is so difficult to experience this time and time again and that you begin to wonder what is so wrong with you to keep attracting those who will only hurt you, but if you do not start to move on from those thoughts, you will be stuck in a perpetual loop of “how did I get here again” forever.
Don’t let someone destroy your concept of forever. You have to remember who you were before you met them. Go back to the girl who was making it on her own, despite everything that she had been through.
You were whole before you met them, so don’t think that you are anything less than that now.
Maybe you will never get closure for any of this. Maybe you two will never even see each other again. I do not want to sit here and pretend like that is okay, so I won’t. But what I will tell you is that anyone who leaves you feeling so worthless and stupid is not anyone you need in your life. It is never the right way to handle emotions to just ignore someone until they finally just go away. I don’t know why honesty is so difficult to come by these days, but please just know that telling someone the honest truth about how you feel is always better in the long run. The pain honesty creates is only temporary, but the pain you suffer from a slow, undefined ending can last a lifetime.
Despite all of this, you will be okay again, and one day, you can hope that people like them wake up and realize that you cannot just leave a trail of broken hearts behind you and expect to live the rest of your life peacefully. Eventually, I believe that all of the negativity they have created will catch up with them, and I can only hope that finally, they will see the error of their ways.
Until then, know that one day someone will value you, everything about you.
And you will never be a burden to them or a task to check off on their daily checklist. You will be their entire world. And they will fully understand and appreciate how lucky they are to have you.