You have spent twenty-six years desperate for the approval of everyone around you. And you are just so tired of living your life for someone else. You are the first to admit that you are not anywhere near where you thought you would be at this point in your life. You are often your own worst critic, constantly blaming yourself for situations you have had little to no control over.
It’s time to forgive yourself. It’s okay. Every bad thing that happens to you is not your fault. Life is never going to stop changing, and you can’t torture yourself every time it takes a turn you didn’t plan for. I am beginning to see that life is not necessarily something you can plan; you cannot map out all of the details and expect it to follow all of the rules. Life is unpredictable and scary, but just because one day goes differently than what we had hoped for does not mean the rest of our life is ruined. Nothing lasts forever and that includes the bad days.
I know the bad days have turned into months and that the months slowly melt into years, but I promise you that no matter how impossibly bad things seem, they will get better. You can only do so much, and it is time you allow yourself to recognize that fact. You can’t do it all and that is okay.
Please just forgive yourself and let yourself be.
Be in the moment. You need to let yourself enjoy your life without worrying about all that the future will bring. Living in the moment is not the same as being reckless; you can be fully present in a moment without this resulting in a negative outcome. You are allowed to enjoy the things that you know will not last forever. You are allowed to be frivolous, and you are allowed to have fun. Some stories are much shorter than we ideally envision them to be but that doesn’t detract from their meaning. The shortest sentence can make the biggest impact. No one ever got mad at “I love you” for being just three words long.
You have to forgive yourself for being so afraid of what is next. It’s normal to wonder about the uncertainty of life and to fear the unknown. What isn’t okay is to fixate on everything you aren’t doing while losing sight of all that you currently have. You spend so much time worrying that you often forget to just take it all in and breathe.
Just breathe. And remind yourself you have a bright future ahead of you, despite how you may be feeling right now. Love that will not abuse you does exist, and a career that will leave you feeling like each day you get to spend there is a privilege is out there waiting for you. You just have to be patient. You have to understand that some of the most beautiful things in life are born from the most frightening occurrences and that no matter how intricate of a plan you create for yourself, you have to be ready to compromise at a moment’s notice.
I know the word compromise scares you and makes you feel like you are throwing in the towel, but a compromise is not always something to fear. Maybe this decision will help you see a path you never even knew was an option, and maybe it will take you further than you ever imagined yourself capable of being. That’s the thing about life; you just simply do not know how it is going to twist and turn. Every second of every day is going to be vastly different from the next, so forgive yourself—and learn to embrace the roller coaster that is your life.