You did not destroy me.
You did not create me,
And you certainly do not define me.
I was whole before I met you, and I’m still that way without you. I should have known this wasn’t right when you kept trying to take pieces of me out to try to fit yourself in. But this wasn’t an invitation to create your own dream home. I’m not some sort of quest that requires your pity to be completed.
I’m my own intricate puzzle.
Composed of pieces so small and elaborate that the majority of people will never see them all. And that’s okay. Maybe it’s better that way.
You can’t just look at my surface and know me. You’ve got to dig deeper to learn who I really am. I sugarcoat my life to try to make it easier to digest for everyone around me. But I am not perfect. There is no such thing as perfect.
I have bumps and bruises and scars that tell stories beyond your wildest imaginations. Not all scars are visible. And not all visible things are real.
I spent years with you, and I never really knew you. When we were in the worst of it, I admitted I didn’t even know your favorite color. Almost three years together, and we were nothing more than strangers.
We made elaborate plans for our future together even though I could never truly visualize that future in my head. Don’t let someone else tell you what your life is going to be. There is a reason your heart sinks when they speak of the future. Remember that. Listen to it, and you will never steer yourself wrong.
Forever is an awful lot of time to spend with someone who does not make you happy. No one should ever have to wake up and hope that today is the day we will finally get better. That maybe today is the day he will finally realize all that he has with me. And maybe today is the day he will finally start loving me.
If it isn’t right now, and it hasn’t been right since the beginning, chances are it will never be. Optimism is a great thing to have, but trying to convince yourself to hold on when all you want to do is run is devastating. If he cannot love you the way you are now, then leave him.
Let him build his life with a woman who fits into the cookie cutter lifestyle he has tried so desperately to fit you into and let yourself run free to what it is that you truly want.
You were never meant to be caged in. You are a dreamer who needs her freedom to survive. Never apologize for being too much. Your passion is a gift. And you never needed anyone to prove that to you.