I wish I could count for you the number of times I’ve told myself you could do better. The number of times I looked in the mirror and said that today would be the day that you won’t let them get to you. But I can’t.
Day in and day out, we try so hard to convince ourselves that we are bigger than whatever it is that is upsetting us or that we never needed that person anyway. Maybe if I can convince myself I’m not attached, I won’t be. Maybe if I can hurt you first, I’ll come out of this okay and for once I won’t be the one left wondering why.
Sometimes it seems so thrilling to be the one who created that sense of why. Why do we start things when we already know they have to end? When there is an exact date on a calendar you can circle in bright red to try stop yourself from going down the road you’ve already started.
You try to tell yourself that everything has an end. Obviously, anything that begins has to end, and life is unpredictable, so really this moment could be at any time. You wonder why you would hold yourself back from something that feels so right in the moment, even though a world of deep emotions wait for you on the next page of that calendar.
We have to make a choice. Do you let the hurt in knowing you won’t be able to shake it for awhile, or do you keep yourself guarded and never feel anything at all? Because if you choose to keep out the inevitable hurt, you often lose out on the joy that comes first. The memories you can make with the time that you are given can be some of the best ones in your life. It is so sad how focused we become on the future and the consequence of finally letting ourselves enjoy something good in our lives. This fixation on what could be does a great job on blurring your current situation and of convincing you that keeping out the emotions, any emotion, is far better than opening yourself to pain you know you cannot avoid.
There are so many situations in life that can lead to pain, but there are also so many that can make you tremendously happy. If all you do is build up walls to try to keep the hurt out, you will leave yourself wondering if there ever could have been more.
We can’t predict the future, and even though what you have right now is only seemingly temporary, we can never quite understand the lasting impact of each fleeting moment.
The most temporary of times could end up creating a world better than you ever could have imagined. But you will never find this out if you don’t let yourself take the chance.