I’ve always left. Always. It’s kind of become my thing, the one thing I’m good at. Leaving – and I guess pushing people away.
I can’t stay in one place for too long, it makes me almost uncomfortable because the fear of getting comfortable overpowers the fear of leaving. My biggest fear is getting comfortable and settling, so I try my hardest not to allow myself to feel comfortable. It doesn’t make sense to most people and it hardly makes sense to me but it’s something I can’t control anymore.
I always feel restless and eager to go somewhere new. I crave unfamiliar places and exploring. I want to be somewhere that no one knows my name because at the end of the day I know I can always come home and you’ll be there, which I know, sounds selfish and it is but it’s what keeps me going.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel the need to constantly wander away and find myself lost down new streets but I can’t help but feel like I do. I can’t help but feel like staying will ruin me and halt any progress I’m striving for, even though I know it’s not true.
And I can’t help but feel like it hurts you, just as much as it hurts me. I always feel like in a way I make you feel like you’re not enough by always talking about leaving and moving on. I find myself having word vomit over the trips I want to take and how excited I am to leave. I feel like all I do is tell you stories of other places and friends I met along the way, and I hope you don’t ever think they could replace you because you guys are so much more than enough.
One constant in my life is that I always leave – and probably always will – but the other constant is that I still have friends that love me even though I always leave them behind, so thank you for loving me regardless of where I am.
You’re still my best friends even half way around the world. You’re still my best friends if we’re only down the street. No one can replace the bond we share and the memories we’ve made. There are times I wish I could get myself to stay longer than a couple of months by your side and times when I hate more than anything I’m missing out on things back home with you because even being in a “dream destination” doesn’t compare to time spent with you.
Thank you for still being there for me when I come home. Thank you for acting like nothing has changed. Thank you for still loving me despite the amounts of times I leave you for a few days or many months. Thank you for allowing us to always pick up right where we left off and keep me in the loop.
Best friends are the kind of people who can survive anything, even being separated by a 24 hour flight and a 12 hour time difference. You’ve proved that to me over and over again by always welcoming me home with arms wide open.
I know I always feel the urge to leave and go somewhere new but it always helps knowing I have you there by my side supporting me because I wouldn’t be who I am today without you there.
One constant in my life is always leaving but the other constant is you always being there, so thank you.