On Learning To Be Okay With The People You Love Settling In Love

Swaraj Tiwari

They say love is blind, and it’s true.

I’ve watch friend after friend love someone who is no good for them, I’ve watch friend after friend get hurt repeatedly by the same piece of shit guy, I’ve watch friend after friend be misused and treated poorly.

I’ve watched friend after friend try to stand their ground but only hours later wind back up in their bed. I’ve watched friend after friend get spoken to like no one should ever be spoken to. I’ve watched friends stay when I’ve done nothing but beg them to leave.

I’ve watched it and watched it too many times to count and I used to get worked up when I saw it. I used to get angry, I used to tell their boyfriends how big of scumbags they were, I used to put myself in the middle to defend my friends, but the thing is it never mattered.

It never mattered, it never changed a thing, it never helped them see what they deserved.

After yelling, fighting and tears I learned that at the end of the day the only person who can really stand up for themselves is the person in a relationship.

I learned that I can see what’s wrong in a relationship but it doesn’t matter. My insight, opinions, and beliefs don’t matter because at the end of the day when they get lonely they’re going to call up that same piece of shit boyfriend and apologize, even when they have no reason to.

I learned that the only time there is potential for them to see what I saw all those days and nights when they were crying to me about how they don’t understand what’s going on is months after the relationship ends for good.

I learned that other people’s relationships aren’t my problem. I learned that you allow yourself to be treated a certain way and after a certain amount of time that’s the kind of love you think you deserve. I learned that I can give the best advice in the world and as much as a friend wants to listen to it – they won’t because their need for someone who messes with their head is greater.

I learned you can’t tell people what they deserve, you can’t control who they love, you can’t control how they allow themselves to be mistreated.

You can only stand there and let them do what they want because they’re going to do it at the end of the day anyway.

Love is a lot of things but mostly it’s blind. Bad love makes you forget what you know you deserve.

I learned something was wrong when it affected me more than my friends when I saw their boyfriends treating them awfully. I learned to let go of the things I can’t control and learned the most important thing I could do is just be there, be present.

I learned it’s not my relationship, I learned that I don’t have control over anyone else’s life but mine. I learned that I feel differently about relationships than most of my friends. I learned that the best thing you can do is let them makes their own mistakes.

No relationship is perfect and it’s exhausting try to clean up other people’s messes, so it’s finally time to stop.

It’s time to accept that some people will settle. That some people are happy with ‘good enough’. That some people would rather settle for shitty love than be alone because being alone scares them more than a mediocre love.

At the end of the day it comes down to not being able to control everything or everyone. It’s not my responsibility to fix people or help them or watch out for them, especially when they always go back.

Love is blind and you can’t control it. I finally learned that. I finally learned to let people makes their mistakes in love, like I’ve made mine. I finally learned to let go.

This is me letting go from other people’s baggage. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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