You wake up in the middle of the night in a panic because you’re scared that this is as good as it’s going to get. You find yourself daydreaming about the life you could have when you’re bored in the middle of the day at work. And you’ve finally started to acknowledge that deep down you know in your heart that you’re not happy but you don’t know what to do to make things better.
You feel trapped.
You love him, that’s unquestionable, but you want more. You want more than he can give you but you know he’s doing his best. You know he isn’t treating you less than you deserve but it’s still not what you want out of a relationship. You’re both doing all you can to make things work, you’re just not aligning.
You’re finally realizing that you’re two different people who want two different things, and you’re getting to the point of the relationship where you can’t keep ignoring it. You can’t keep acting like your problems and differences are going to disappear because they won’t.
You both want more. You want more laughter, more fun, more nights out together falling in love, but he wants more nights at home, with you, cooking dinner and laying on the couch watching TV reruns. You want to move and he wants to stay. You’re trying to make your career a priority and he’s fine with where he’s at. You’re unsatisfied with how things currently are and he’s completely content. You’re just different. You’re at different points in your lives.
You have different dreams and it’s not to say his are wrong and yours are right, but they’re different and there comes a point where you can’t sacrifice your happiness for his any longer. There comes a point where you have to stop compromising your life to make him feel better because your happiness and your dreams matter too.
Love is about sacrifice, it’s not all cuddles and laughter, it’s work and without sacrifice and communication, you’ve got nothing.
There are times when he’s who you want him to be. There are nights he wants to go out, nights you do laugh and have fun together and it fills your heart with happiness because this is what you want but those nights are sparse. Those nights give you hope right before you fall back into the same mundane routine that leaves you unsatisfied.
It starts to terrify you because when you envisioned your life this isn’t how you saw it. You picture your life now and it worries you that there’s nothing more, that this is as good as it gets and that’s not what you see yourself doing.
It’s hard to come to the realization that you were once so close with someone and thought that you’d spend forever with them but now times have changed and your distance has grown. There are times when it seems like it may get better, that he may become the man you fell in love with again, but it doesn’t happen. The distance between you just seems to grow and grow.
It’s not easy to walk away but if you aren’t willing to change or make sacrifices for each other then it’s never going to work. You will never be happy and worse than that, you will grow resentful towards each other.
So please, don’t stay if you really want to leave. Don’t stay because you feel stuck, don’t stay because you’re scared to walk away, don’t stay because you know it’s hurting him. You can’t stay in a relationship that you’re unsatisfied in because as much as he matters to you, you should also matter to you.
At some point, you have to start considering your own happiness. You’re too young to be stuck like this and in a way you’re being selfish for holding on to someone who you don’t love with your whole heart because there’s someone out there who will love him with their whole heart. Don’t just hang on because you’re scared, it takes time, but eventually you will realize walking away was the best thing you could do for yourself.
This isn’t as good as it gets, you just need to let go to see that.