How To Destroy Yourself Over Him Leaving

Unsplash / Ryan Holloway

Decide he was the only person you’ll ever love like that. Rule out anyone else from even coming close but talk to as many other guys that are interested in you to avoid feeling any real pain. Right after you break up tell everyone you’re single, start texting your old flings, that guy you heard was interested, start snapchatting those guys you used to ignore. Seek out all the attention you’ve been lacking from everyone else. Hold back the tears. Tell everyone you’re fine so much that you actually start to believe you’re fine yourself. Put on makeup and block your exes number to show him you have the upper hand. Talk highly of yourself, flirt, make guys drool over you and reject them all to feel good, except for one because you can’t be alone. Talk to him, string him along, compare him to your ex, but only behind his back, have sex with him and pretend you enjoy it until you actually start to enjoy it. Sleep with him because it’s better than waking up alone. Make him feel like you’re actually into him. Wish your ex was texting you instead of him. Unblock his number and find excuses to text your ex, to hang on, to avoid letting go because you’re addicted to the pain. Talk about how much you hate him, how much of a dick he is, but secretly be excited every time he responds and don’t stop blowing up his phone. Talk about him so much that everyone else hates the sounds of his name coming off your tongue, but don’t care because you’re the one who is heartbroken. Tell yourself it’s fine, that you don’t miss him, that you don’t need him and that the new guy is fine. Lie to yourself so much that you hope you can start to believe it. Tell the new guy you need him in your life, but only because you’re not ready to be alone. You don’t want to be alone because being alone is hard and painful, and you hate pain – you’d rather just ignore it and pretend it’s not there. Text your ex about meeting up because you can’t stand being apart, make up some excuse that you need something back or have to give him something. Go see your ex and kill yourself with anticipation. Tell him you’re doing fine but you miss him. Listen to him as he tells you he’s moving on. Watch him as he drives away and leaves you there alone. Hate him all over again for breaking your heart again. Refuse to let him go. Keep settling for the new guy until someone better comes along, or your ex comes back even though deep down you know he won’t. But get hung up on the idea that he might. Kill yourself over the thought of your ex with someone new. Destroy yourself wishing the new guy was him. Resent him because he isn’t and he never will be. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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