1. Pretend to enjoy myself when I’m actually fucking miserable.
2. Sit through something painfully awful just because I don’t want to be rude.
3. Act like my life is great on social media when in reality I just sit home alone most of the time.
4. Use social media at all. I hate it and I love it, but lately I just down right hate it.
5. Put so much pressure on myself on a Monday to get everything done when I have the whole week to complete my work.
6. Eat animals, but I don’t know if I can stop. So I’ll take it one day at a time.
7. ‘Like’ a post or tweet on social media so people don’t think I’m ignoring them when I truly don’t give a shit what they have to say.
8. Be fake nice to people who I don’t like and people who I know don’t like me.
9. Find an excuse to leave a conversation because it’s boring and I’m over it.
10. Pretend like my life is together when I still can’t tip without asking my friends how much it should be.
11. Act excited for the sole purpose that someone else is excited.
12. Give an explanation to the statement “no.”
13. Answer people’s questions who I know are more so asking for their own personal gain (or gossip) than who are actually asking to see how I’m doing in life.
14. Cook. Like ever again.
15. Hold farts in while in public.
16. Say “yes” to plans out of obligation.
17. Feel bad about cancelling plans when I’d rather die than leave my house.
18. Answer Emails from stupid people.
19. Act like people’s ugly babies are cute for the sake of their feelings.
20. Act calm around people who don’t spay/neuter their dogs or train them in any way.
21. Always sit with my legs closed.
22. Be nice to people who annoy the fuck out of me and keep asking for things.
23. Dress nicely when I’d rather just wear sweatpants to the bar.
24. Say hi and ~*act*~ like I’m interested in catching up with someone I went to high school with that I ran into at the bar.
25. Be nice to parents who I know spent their whole adult life they’ve known me talking shit about me for being ‘irresponsible’ and ‘reckless’ in high school. (Your daughter was getting fucked up on the same dirt road, lady.)
26. Eat salads just because everyone I’m at lunch with is eating a salad so I do it instead of eating the burger I’m craving to act like I’m healthy.
27. Moderately drink when I’m at the bar (instead of blacking out) because I feel old in there now compared to the other people who are definitely underage (I’m 22).
28. Walk over and ask someone to pet their dog instead of just rolling on the ground with it and cuddling on the sidewalk.
29. Wear clothes in public when it’s hot as fuck out.
30. Leave the house when it’s raining or snowing or cold.
31. Suppress my hunger because I just ate a meal a full hour ago and it’s socially unacceptable to eat another meal that soon.