I’m so sorry you feel like you’re in a toxic hell hole you’ll never be able to pull yourself out of but I promise you can. I promise it’s possible.
Right now you feel like you can’t do anything right, you feel like no matter how hard you try it’s still not good enough.
You feel like they aren’t supportive of who you are as a person and you eventually feel like you have to hide parts of yourself from them because they don’t approve of who you are as a person. It makes you feel ashamed of who you are and you should never feel ashamed to be who you are with the person you love.
They make you feel guilty about everything and the relationship becomes one-sided. It becomes all about them and how they’re feeling, it becomes about what they want with no regards to how their actions and decisions make you feel. It’s like your wants and needs are completely put on the back-burner.
It makes it harder to enjoy the good times with them, it leaves you feeling things you never imagined towards this person, like resent. It starts to affect who you are as a person in a negative way. It completely ruins your happiness and starts to take control of your life.
They start to realize they have this power over you, that they know they can dictate your behavior based upon what they want and they know you’ll follow. It starts to quiet you and ruin you. It stops any growth and change because you’re too busy trying to fit into this cookie cutter shape they made for you, but the problem is you don’t fit and you’ll never fit. You’re too loud and too bold and too fun. You weren’t made to be less than you are and that’s what they’re trying to do to you. They’re trying to rip the parts of you away that make you who you are, they’re trying to dull you down and make you into someone you’re not.
You’ll never be this person and it’s not bad, but it’s reality. It’s not someone you’re supposed to be because you shouldn’t be with someone who degrades you and makes you want to hide who you are. You shouldn’t be with someone who makes you feel like you’re not good enough and that you’re not worthy of their love. You deserve more than that and you can walk away from the toxic love you’re in.
It will be hard, it will be a brutal mind game with yourself but know that you deserve more and you deserve better. Desire to grow and to change and to be better. Start looking for the positives in life again to rid the toxins that flow through your mind. Stop feeling like you’re doing everything wrong and stop worrying about making them happy.
You should feel safe in a relationship and you should feel like nothing in the world can go wrong with this person by your side, you shouldn’t fear the person who is by your side.
You can walk away. You can survive on your own, it may be hard but it’s totally possible.
You should be with someone who you can communicate with, not fear their opinions and not hide who you are in fear of being rejected.
You can walk away and you should. Leaving is always an option, you can always start over and create a new life for yourself. It’s not too late.
Forget what they’ve told you and remember what you deserve.