There are plenty of guys that want relationships, plenty that are more into getting to know you than just hooking up. But sadly, I don’t know any of those guys. I know the guys who are in relationships and the guys who want to hook up and the guys who are just my friends.
Sometimes it’s challenging, sometimes you give into it because it’s nice to just feel wanted, even if it’s only temporary and even if you know you will most likely be filled with nothing but regret.
But to be honest, I don’t really care for the hook up culture, it’s not me and it’s not something I’m after.
I don’t just want to know what makes you moan in bed, I want to know so much more.
Hooking up can be fun when you’re young, it’s a part of life, but it’s not everything. I’ve come to the point where I want to know more, I want to know you past the moments we share together entangled in sheets and passion.
I want to know what your favorite restaurant is to get brunch on a hungover Sunday. I want to know if you can cook and if you enjoy going for walks. I want to know what TV show is your favorite and if you sing in the shower.
But I also want to know you deeper than that.
I want to know what makes you cry. I want to know what keeps you up at night and what you’re defensive over.
I want to know about your childhood and if your hearts been damaged. I want to know your outlook on the world and hear your unpopular opinions. I want to know you deeper than surface level and deeper than a friendship level.
I mean I want to really know you.
Tell me about the scar you have on your arm, tell me about all the times you felt you weren’t good enough, tell me about your dreams and what you’d do if you had nothing holding you back. Tell me about your secrets and your fears.
Tell me things you never imagined admitting to another soul.
I don’t want to fall back on another unfamiliar bed without knowing the person in front of me. I want to know more than a name, maybe a job title and what the inside of your apartment looks like that I’ll probably never see again.
I want you to care about me like the way I care about you.
I want to hold you when you’re sad, I want to kiss you when you’re angry, I want to love you when you want to be loved.
I want to put you first, I want to be the reason behind your smile.
I want to make you feel everything you make me feel.
I want to know you outside the bedroom, I want to know your hopes and dreams and fears. I want to encourage you to go after those dreams and I want to know everything deeper than the words we share between the sheets.
I want everything and I’m done settling for less than that.