I see engagements popping up on my timeline, I see pregnancy announcements and baby pictures from people I didn’t even know were pregnant. I see new “in a relationships” status’s on Facebook, I hear love stories and scroll through endless gross (cute) pictures with even grosser (cuter) captions about being in love.
Sometimes I just can’t help but wonder, when is it going to be chance at love?
I’m by no means saying I want an engagement or a baby or even a Facebook status saying I’m in a relationship so people can comment “awwww” or “you look so happy!” because truth be told I don’t want any of that, at least not any time soon. I’m way too young to want a baby and there is no need to rush into putting a ring on my finger.
I have so much of this earth I still want to explore and so many things to still cross off on my ‘goals’ list. But just because I’m ambitious doesn’t mean I don’t want someone there by my side to hold my hand and say, “you can do it.”
Sometimes the world gets lonely, there is no denying that. People are often afraid to talk about loneliness though, it’s one of those things you just don’t admit to people for some reason. But being solo after so long can get lonely and it can suck, but that doesn’t mean I’ll settle for a half-hearted kind of love.
Sometimes I just want to know when will it be my turn?
I can’t even say when is it my turn to be happy because I am happy already, but I think having a shoulder to lean on would still make me a little happier. I believe life isn’t meant to be lived alone because we all need someone to lean on in times of happiness and sorrow. No one wants to walk their entire path alone.
Sometimes I just wonder what’s wrong with me, it’s a thought I can’t overcome when I’m surrounded by couples. I wonder if it would make a difference if my thighs didn’t touch or maybe if my skin was bronze, instead of being ghostly pale.
I could make a list of all my flaws, but I won’t because to me they aren’t flaws, to me they are just part of who I am. They are me, every scar, every freckle, every tangled piece of hair on my head is exactly who I am and I won’t change that for anyone. And maybe that is why I’m still alone because I’m convinced there is one person out there that will love those things about me, I just haven’t found him yet.
I think the most important thing you can do when you’re feeling lonely is look into yourself, look at the face in the mirror and learn to love it. Learn to accept it and appreciate your own support and your own company because when your heart breaks your back to where you started, by yourself.
Sometimes the loneliness drives me insane, it leaves me questioning the world and myself, but I still sleep just fine at the end of the day. As much as I want love I’m still breathing fine without it. There are hard times, but they also make you stronger, they force you to deal with uncomfortable moments you don’t want to face and they are a good slap in the face when all you need is a reality check.
Sometimes I can’t help but wonder when it’s going to be my chance for love, it can be discouraging watching everyone in my life pair off and find “the one” when I’m sitting by myself with no one to whisper to. But I know my chance will come, I know sooner or later that things will work out for me, but until that time I’m going to keep working on me. I’m going to keep improving and keep following my dreams and maybe those dreams will lead me right to you.