I’m an all or nothing person, I don’t like things halfway. When I make a commitment to something, I fully commit because I don’t think you should do any less. That’s why when you think we’re just ‘hanging out’ or ‘seeing where it goes’ I walk away.
I walk away because I can’t invest in something that will most likely fizzle out like a sparkler in the summer night.
I don’t want to get all my hopes up because I can’t take the let down. I can’t take feeling like a fool because I tried so hard for something that was never going to be there. I’ll spend so much time analyzing where I went wrong and continue to beat myself up for what I could have done better, but the worst part is I know it won’t even phase you. I’m just another girl who things didn’t work out with to you.
So when you love me, love all of me or none of me, but don’t drag me along with no intentions of catching me when I fall because I will fall.
If you open me up, make me feel like you’re not going to leave and allow me to feel a comfort in you, I will fall. If you do nice things for me, whisper sweet words in my ear and tell me how you miss me, I will fall.
I’ll fall because you’re giving me every indication you want more, you’re leading me on and I can’t help but start to put some hope in you.
If you don’t want me, don’t act like you do. Don’t do it out of obligation or because you don’t want to break my heart. Don’t keep me hanging on because you like to have me there when you’re bored and lonely. Don’t lure me in without any intention to be there when I need you most.
Because I’m not dumb, I will realize when the texts start becoming scarcer and the distance between us seems to grow greater. I will notice that you were never really intending to be there for me and I will leave.
I don’t want you if you don’t want to be there.
I fall like a fool, I always have and I think I always will, I become completely infatuated with someone. I’ve never been able to separate my head from my heart when I’m into someone and honestly, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.
I want to learn you and know you. I want to become part of your life and make the most of our time together because from every relationship I’ve had thus far in life I know there isn’t enough time with the people you love.
If that’s too much for you I understand, but I can’t do casual. I can’t do the random hook ups, I can’t sit around all night and wonder if you’ll call, I can’t do the whole what are we thing. It’s just not me and it never will be and that’s okay.
I can’t lower my desires and needs to make myself feel less because then the only person I’d be cheating would be myself.
It might not work between us, but that’s okay because I’d rather be alone than with someone who can’t give me the love that I need.