This Is Everything I Should Have Told You While I Still Had The Chance

@vorobyulia
@vorobyulia

I should have told you I loved you, not in a fun, joking tone, but in an honest and genuine tone so you knew how important you were to me without any hesitation. I told you I loved you, but never enough. I should have told you more.

I should have told you that I never meant to hurt you in this life and that I’m so sorry for any pain I caused you. I should have told you that no matter what no one could ever replace you, no one could ever come close no matter how long it’s been.

I should have told you that I wouldn’t be close to the person I am today without you and now knowing that you aren’t here to see who I’ve become still breaks my heart.

I should have told you that every piece of advice you gave me was not taken for granted because now that’s all I cling to when I need a little inspiration. Your words are my reminder to love life and they make me feel like you’re still here.

I should have told you that your laugh was my favorite sound in the whole world and just the sound of it could instantly brighten my day. I should have told you that your hugs felt like home to me and in your arms I felt so safe. I should have held you one more time and never let you go, and then maybe you’d still be here. Maybe if I never let go you would never have had to leave me.

Maybe you’d still be here if I loved you a little harder, maybe you’d still be around if I told you every single day how much I appreciated you, but I know that isn’t true because God had different plans for you.

I should have told you that I always appreciated your texts telling me to be safe; I still read them when I’m missing you and need comfort. I replay your voice over and over in my head telling me that you’re just worried about me and you want what’s best for me. I should have thanked you for always looking out for my best interest instead of rolling my eyes and telling you I know to be safe.

I should have told you that the thought of you not being in my life scares the hell out of me because now everyday I wake up feels like a never-ending nightmare from hell.

There are mornings I wake up from dreams of you and it doesn’t seem real. I try to force myself to go back to sleep without a care in the world what I might be late for because all I want is to dream of your voice, and your face, and your laugh.

I’d give anything for one more minute with you.

The dreams are so real and so vivid. Every dream of mine you’re in is a dream I’ll never stop cherishing because it’s like God’s way of bringing you back to me, even if it’s just for a minute.

I should have told you that I appreciated you, as a person. I appreciated who you were and how kind you were to the world. I appreciated your outlook on life and how empathetic you were. I appreciated your kind heart and the way you loved. I appreciated everything you did for me and everyone else in you love. I should have told you all of that and more.

I should have told you how much I loved you, even if you already knew because now I’ll never get the chance again and that kills me. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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