I Should Have Never Given You A Second Chance

amyhumphries
amyhumphries

The first time around I was fell for you hard. I fell for the way you wanted to do nothing but lie with me in your bed on a Sunday morning. I fell for the way you brought me into your group of friends and made me feel like I was part of your life. I fell for the way you’d tell me stories and include me in all your plans.

I fell for the way you’d invite me not only to stay over, but also come to breakfast with your friends.

I fell for the way when someone asked you what you were doing you would honestly tell them you were with me. I fell for the way you actually wanted me around because it was something I wasn’t used to.

Then things slowly started falling apart, the phone calls stopped coming and the distance between each text message grew greater. It started breaking my heart because for once I thought I found someone good, I felt like I found something good. I wrote your name on sticky notes like I was in middle school again. I would tell my friends about all the nice things you’d do for me, but then out of the blue they all just stopped.

Things fell apart and you moved on.

I wondered where I went wrong, but I really didn’t know.

Then you came back, months later you came back. It was just like the first time again while it lasted. I foolishly let you in because I heard you needed me. I called you and you told me you needed me, you told me you were walking to my house, so I ran home to meet you.

This time it was different, I wasn’t always staying at your place instead you were always staying at mine. You were sleeping in my bed, you were showering in my shower, you were eating my food. You were making jokes with my friends and doing your laundry with my washer.

This time I was hoping you might stay, but once again you didn’t.

This time I was hoping things would be different, I tried to show you I cared, I opened my arms and my life to you, but you still didn’t want it because once again you walked away.

You walked away a second time and I promised myself there wouldn’t be a third.

I missed you, I wanted to talk to you, but I soon found out that you found her. You found someone new, someone new you’re still dating to this day. I can tell she makes you happier than I ever made you. I can tell it’s real for you this time, it’s not like what we had; it’s so much more.

It’s been a couple years now and I can honestly say I’m happy for you. It hurt me that you broke my heart twice. The first time I was naïve, I was excited to have someone actually give a shit about me. The second time I thought I was more guarded but you managed to budge yourself into my life with my friends and roommates. The second time was harder because I knew you already left once before, so what was stopping you from doing it again?

Nothing.

You left. You still left and you could tell how much you had hurt me the first time.

You taught me no matter how much you want someone you can’t make them stay and you can’t make them love you.

You love her and now all I can be is happy for you that you found someone who can make you stay, even if that someone isn’t me. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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