I think back to our time together. I remember cuddling in your bed with you; I remember laying in your arms on the couch. I remember you always picking me up in that blue Jeep. I remember fighting with you, maybe more than we should have.
But that’s all I remember now.
I can’t remember the words you used to say to me while it was just you and I intertwined in each other’s lives. I can’t remember the movies we used to watch together when we’d lay on the couch for hours. I don’t the playlists you’d make for us to sing at the top of our lungs to in the car. I don’t remember where I was going or where I’d have you pick me up from. I don’t remember what all of our fights were about, I don’t remember what hurtful things we both said and for that I’m glad.
I simply can’t recall the memories anymore, it’s like my brain washed them away. It’s like the memory of you was too much that my brain had to shut them down.
I don’t know if we ever really get over people, I think maybe we just forget what it was like to love them.
I can’t remember what your touch felt like. I can’t remember how you used to scoop me up in your arms. I can’t remember what your lips made me feel. I can’t remember how your hugs felt or when you gave me butterflies.
I can’t remember any of it.
I can’t remember the way you’d lift off my shirt or the way you’d kiss my neck. I can’t remember where we used to go when we’d sneak off together. I can’t remember what it felt like to hook up in the backseat of your car. I simply can’t remember any of it.
Part of me is happy about that because I can no longer live in the past. I no longer can think of your touch when I start to feel lonely. I can no longer fill my head with thoughts of you because those thoughts have seemingly diminished after all this time.
I think we just forgot how to love each other. I think we each just got too caught up in how we wanted our relationship to work that we ended up destroying it. We ended up becoming bad for each other. We ended up growing without each other instead of together.
Leaving was hard, it was still probably one of the hardest things I’ve done to this day, but it was the right decision to make.
I didn’t want to forget you, I never intended to forget you, but time and distance have a way to make memories fade.
I’m convinced I never actually got over you, I just forgot what loving you felt like, and maybe that’s why they say time heals all wounds.
I can still remember the big things, but the small things we’re always what mattered most and the small things are what I can no longer remember after all this time without you.