I’m Sorry For Acting Like I’m Always Getting My Heart Broken

Konstantin Kryukovskiy
Konstantin Kryukovskiy

I’m sorry for always playing the victim, for acting like I always get broken and I never do the breaking. Because honestly, I do the breaking a lot more than I get broken.

I shut guys out; I might tease them a little bit only to reject them. I feel bad about not answering, but I do it because I don’t have the guts to say, “This is why I don’t like you…” and give them a degrading list of things that they can’t control because I’m picky.

I suck as a person. I won’t try to deny that.

I’m not perfect, I don’t claim to be and I don’t try to be, but there is another side of the heartbreak story and that’s the side where I do the heart breaking.

To all the men who came into my life who I couldn’t want back, know that I tried. I always tried to give you a chance. I saw the best in you, but there was something about you that just wouldn’t let me see past that moment. It wouldn’t let me see a future with you; I didn’t want to see a future with you. So I moved on, I left you in the dust, I didn’t check in to see how you were doing, I just moved on because I wanted something different or I wanted someone who I thought was better. I did it without disregard to your feelings and for that I’m sorry.

Girls always love to play the heartbroken one, we get our hearts broken and we blame in on the guys because it’s easier that way. I’ve got my heart broken plenty of times for not being wanted back, so I understand your struggle and have felt your pain. But we don’t realize it so much until it’s happening to us.

When we don’t like you our feelings are detached, we think there is no way you could be attached because we aren’t. So we just leave, maybe you get a reason or an explanation, or maybe you don’t. I guess it depends how important you were to us.

But all I really want to say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry for acting like a bitch. I’m sorry for making you fall for me, even though it was probably unintentional because me attempting to flirt is like a bird flying into a windshield, it never ends well.

I’m sorry for all of it. I’m sorry for sleeping with you and not responding to your Snapchats anymore, I’m sorry for making promises I bailed on, I’m sorry for being a shitty person and being selfish. I’m sorry I wanted so much from you to give you nothing but loneliness in return.

I’m so fucking sorry.

I’ll try to be better, I’ll try not to do the same thing in the future, but I don’t know if I can. You can try to force your heart to like someone as much as you want, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to happen and sometimes I think we forget that.

We get upset when we get rejected, but we laugh at others when we reject them. We sit around a gossip about what a loser that guy was as we’re stuffing our faces with pizza. Girls can be really fucking mean and I’m sorry for that too. It’s a sad and painful cycle.

But more than anything I’m sorry for acting like I’m always getting my heart broken when I know you would have loved me unconditionally, and I’m sorry I couldn’t love you back. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

“It’s just wondrous how every time I go through some emotional trauma, your posts are so relatable and it gives me so much hope. I love the writing and the photos. It’s all a pleasure to read. I can’t thank you enough for it, really.” — DM from @ThoughtCatalog Instagram follower

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