I always try to see the best in everyone, time after time. I think that people change, that they’ve learned and that I should owe it to them to believe them when they say they’re different.
But people don’t change.
Not really, anyway.
At the core we’re still the same. People change their behaviors slightly, switch up their priorities, find a better mask to hide their demons, but at the core we don’t change. The core is where we keep all our suppressed feelings of hate and anger and sadness and memories we cling to, even though we’ve tried to tell the world over and over we’ve moved on, that we’re different now.
Well, I believed in you.
I believed you we’re different now, I believed you learned from your past mistakes and that you wouldn’t be that person again.
Because I can’t help but always look for the best in people and sometimes that turns around and bites me in the ass.
And what would you know?
You proved me wrong, again.
You’re still the same person, the one who is only concerned with your own feelings. You don’t care how other people feel as long as you’ve got instant gratification. As long as you’re feeling good and you don’t have a big gaping hole in your own broken heart, which let me remind you, you caused yourself.
I don’t feel sorry for you, not even a little.
You caused your own pain, you caused your own hurt, but more than that, you caused someone else more hurt.
You don’t get to feel sorry for yourself when you broke someone else’s heart. You don’t get to play the victim and ask for sympathy, not when you caused this pain.
I’m not even talking about myself. I feel no pain. I feel nothing but slight anger and that anger isn’t directed towards you, it’s directed towards myself.
I’m angry I gave you a shot, not because you were playing me. No. That’s not why at all. I’m angry because I always try to see the good in others, in people who don’t deserve it and once again it backfired on me.
I’m also angry for the girls who come after me, for the other girls who might be there right with me now, the one’s who can’t see how deceitful you are because they might also be looking to see the best in you.
I hope that you don’t break their hearts.
I hope that you stop looking for people to fill the holes you put in your own heart.
I hope you find someone new and I hope that someone new is you.
I hope you find yourself.
I hope you find yourself in your pain and reflect on what you can do to make your life better without getting hope from hallow messages you send in hopes of a little comfort in return.
You didn’t hurt me because I never gave you that power. It’s easy for me to ignore you. It’s easy for me to forget you. It’s easy for you to just become another contact in my phone I don’t use.
You thought you could play me, but I don’t need you.
I definitely don’t need you.
Here’s a big fuck you for you.
Here’s to you smartening the fuck up and filling your own voids, and here’s to me for finding the good in people who don’t deserve it time after time.
But better yet, here’s to goodbye, for forever.