Maybe if I stopped calling you, you’d start reaching out and blowing up my phone. Maybe if I stopped telling you how I missed you, you might start missing me. Maybe if I stopped cooking you dinner, you’d start making me some. Maybe if I stopped doing the little things, you’d start.
But I know none of that will happen.
If I stop calling you, I wouldn’t hear from you. If I stopped telling you I missed you, you’d forget about me. If I stopped making you dinner, you’d start ordering take out. If I stopped doing the little things, you’d find someone else who will.
Maybe if I cared less you wouldn’t care at all.
I’ve never wanted to believe the one who cares less has more power in the relationship, but I can’t deny reality any longer because it’s true – it’s so undeniably true.
The person who loves more, gives more, cares more who is bending over backwards, contouring their body in ways that aren’t really possible in order to give their significant other what they want, or attempt to make them happy are people who are fucked.
They’re really, truly fucked.
They give every once of themselves to someone who doesn’t care. They drain their own energy to put their significant others first who half the time don’t even realize and is nearly never appreciative. They notice what you don’t do though, every time.
I wish if I started caring less that you’d start caring more, but I’m nearly certain that wouldn’t happen. You’d turn around, you’d leave and you’d forget about me.
That just means you were never the person I thought you were and caring less would make me into someone I’m not, and for that I owe myself an apology.
I’ll always be the one who puts my heart out there, even if it gets used and abused because if I don’t put it out there I’m never going to find love. I’d rather it land in the wrong hands than no hands at all, I’d rather work on you and trying to get you to become a better lover, even if not for me, but for the next girl.
I’ll always try to get you to care more because I know what it feels like being the one who cares less, and I’d choose caring more over caring less every time. I’d choose to let you break my heart by not caring enough than be able to break your heart. I’d rather hurt than do the hurting because that way I can find myself in the healing process and not sit with guilt on my heart for not being able to love you like you deserved.
I believe the right person will come in my life. The person who won’t make me question him, the person who won’t try to belittle me or make me feel inferior. The person who will love me for who I am and for all that I do.
Someone who will not only appreciate the little thing, but also reciprocate them.
That is the person I want.
I don’t want someone who I have to act like I care less about in order to make them care more because I’ve been down that road before. Every time it’s had the same ending; a dead end road where I came back alone and defeated.
I’ve learned that more than likely if you care less, they won’t care more.
So, please, don’t settle for a love where you have to dull yourself and your love down to make your significant other care more. Find someone who loves you for you. Someone who appreciates you and someone who cares about you.