You’re not going to be the one I meet at the end of the aisle to say ‘I do,’ you’re not going to be the one I have my first dance with and you’re not going to be the one who I spend my ‘forever’ with. That’s not you.
But a piece of you will always be with me through every step of my life because part of you will always live in me.
I’ll always think back to the days I used to be so reckless. I’ll think back to all the times I snuck out of my parents house to meet you late at night. I’ll think of all the dirt roads we called our own. I’ll think of all the long talks we shared because neither of us wanted to go home. I’ll think of all the times we almost got caught doing whatever it was at a given time. But I’ll also think of all the times I still wasn’t what you wanted, and you were still never enough for me because we both wanted different things.
The way you made me feel was unexplainable, it was like sticking my finger in an electric socket. I knew it would sting, but I wanted to do it anyway for the pleasure and the thrill.
There was no denying we were bad for each other. We used each other, we tormented each other, and we fought with each other, yet we still loved each other for so many years.
Every time one of us would step away, the other came crawling back.
We were each other’s own personal form of cocaine.
Each time we thought we were strong enough to give it up and walk away, the urge came back and we took another hit.
It’s finally been years, nearly four to be exact. I’ve been clean from you. I’ve moved on and walked away for good. You no longer hold any power over me, but as much as I used to implore your touch the urge is gone, it’s long gone.
But the memories haven’t washed away into the vast ocean yet. They’re still lingering on the shore, waiting for a big enough storm to come and wash them all away. Even though I’m still uncertain if there even is a big enough storm capable of doing that.
You’ll always be one of my best memories, even through the questions, the love and the animosity.
You made me feel everything when I was around you, and from that you made me feel alive.
I’ve come to accept that we weren’t meant to end up together, even through four years of constant back and forth, between dating others and still desiring each other. You were the first one who stole my heart, and part of me still believes you hold a little piece of it because part of you still lives in me.
I’ll always remember your bright blue eyes and the way they looked at me. I’ll always remember the way you made me feel, I have yet to meet another who has made me feel like you did. I’ll always remember your crooked smile when you’d look down and I’ll always remember the way you loved me.
I’ll keep the good memories close to my heart, because our time is long gone now. I think I’ve finally come to peace with our past and accepted that the past is exactly where you belong.