I Don’t Want You Because You’re Not Him

I hate that it’s your name
that’s constantly appearing
at the top of my phone screen
and not his.

I hate that you’re the one
who’s consistently trying
to make plans with me,
when he never made much of an effort.

And I hate that I still wish
the next time my phone lights up
that it would be his name
at the top, not yours.

I hate that I know you’re kind
and you’re sweet.
I hate that you actually want
to hang out with me.
I hate that I’m closing you out
because you’re not him
when in all honesty
he couldn’t give a shit
about me,
but I still give a shit
about him.

I know that,
I know all of that,
but all I can think about
is him.
And I’m sorry,
but I don’t want you
because you’re not him.

I can’t let go,
not yet anyway
and it just isn’t fair to you
to keep you stringing along.

I guess it’s true,
the nice guy
finishes last
because all I want
is for the bad boy
to want me back.