50 Of The Most Cringeworthy Dirty Pick-Up Lines

Brooke Olimpieri
Brooke Olimpieri

1. You have pretty eyeballs, but of course they’d be better if they were eyeing my pretty balls.

2. If I flip a coin what are the chances of me getting head?

3. Baby, there’s about to be 8 planets because I’m going to destroy Uranus.

4. Roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poetry, show me your tits.

5. You’re so hot even my zipper is falling for you.

6. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.

7. If I said you had a great body would you hold it against me?

8. I lost my teddy, can I sleep with you instead?

9. Do you have pet insurance? Because I’m going to destroy that pussy.

10. Fuck me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Laura?

11. Can you lick your nipples? No? Can I?

12. I like every bone in your body, especially mine.

13. Do you train cats? Because you just made my pussy cum.

14. Smile if you want to have sex with me.

15. You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.

16. My dick just died, would you mind if I buried it in your ass?

17. I put the STD in stud, all I need is U.

18. I must be hunting treasure because I’m digging your chest.

19. Do you have a quarter? I need to call my mom and tell her I just met the woman I want to fuck in the bathroom.

20. I wish I was toilet paper so I could touch your butt.

21. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?

22. Do you wash your clothes with windex? Cause I can see myself in your pants.

23. If I could be any enzyme, I’d be DNA helicase because I wanna unzip your genes.

24. I’m no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight.

25. I wish I was that stool so you’d sit on my face.

26. Want to play Titanic? You be the ocean and I’ll go down on you.

27. I might not be going down in history, but I’ll go down on you.

28. You know what I like in a girl? My dick.

29. People call me John, but you can call me tonight.

30. Nice legs, what time do they open?

31. Screw me if I’m wrong, but you want to kiss me don’t you?

32. My name is ______. Remember that, you’ll be screaming it later.

33. Do you want to have good sex? No? Then come to my place.

34. Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.

35. Wanna go on a ate? You can get the D later.

36. Do you believe in love at first site? Or should I walk by again?

37. I’m like a squirrel because I want to bury my nuts in you.

38. You’re like my little toe, cute but I’m going to bang you against every piece of furniture in my house later.

39. Are you the SAT? Because I’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a 10 minute break for snacks.

40. Want to play lion? You get on all fours and I’ll feed you some meat.

41. Are you from Japan? Cause I’m trying to get in Japanties.

42. You look familiar, have we had sex before?

43. You’re on my to-do list tonight.

44. Can you catch? Because you’ve got a couple balls coming your way.

45. Do you work on computers because you just turned my software into hardware.

46. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It’s just like a French kiss, but down under.

47. Did you get that dress on sale? Because at my place it’s 100% off.

48. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.

49. Did you sit in a pile of sugar? Because you have a pretty sweet ass.

50. Are you sick? I think you might be suffering from a lack of Vitamin Me. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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