Don’t Date The Guy Who Refuses To Talk About What You Are

Keran Look Loy

I’ve been there, wasting so much precious time just ‘talking’ to the guy who I opened up my heart to completely. I’ve spent hours thinking in my head whether or not I should ask the ever so dreaded question of “what are we” because that question tends to send people running as fast and far away as they can go.

It was my freshman year of college up till the very beginning of my junior year, with lots of mixed signals and confusion. I’d ask the question, “Where is this going?” but the answer would never change much.

“I don’t know we’re just having fun,” or “I’m not sure, let’s just keep doing our thing.”

What the hell is our thing?! Do you want to date me or not?

It was basically any variation of “I don’t have the answer you want so I’m going to avoid the question and try to be nice about it.”

Ladies, we’ve all been there. Lingering around being there when it is convenient for him. We do stupid things; we wait up late at night in hopes for a text, hoping he will say, “Come over.” We hope he shows us some vulnerability and lets us in. We hope we can finally stop ‘talking’ and start dating.

But we need to stop.

Why do we want to date the guy who refuses to talk about what we are? Why do we keep seeking those types of guys out over and over? Constantly getting let down.

The main thing a relationship needs is communication and that is what has been lacking since the very beginning.

We don’t know when it’s too early to bring up the question because you’ve probably already been ‘talking’ for a few months. You want this relationship to progress but you just can’t figure out what is going on inside his head because he keeps giving you mixed signals.

Some days he seems really into it and everything seems perfect. You’re convinced he likes you and you spent the best day together. Then he gets flaky again. You wonder where you went wrong. You question if he likes you, and you drive yourself crazy trying to dissect every little thing. But you only think those thoughts in your head or say them out loud to your friends, asking for advice from them because no matter what you can’t ask him what’s going on.

If you ask me it’s SO stupid and I can say that because I have been that girl too.

If he won’t talk to you about his feelings or what he wants out of whatever you are then he’s really not interested in you. You can fill a journal with excuses of why he is different, you can defend him and tell yourself he isn’t a bad guy and he makes you happy. But the reality is if you’re asking then he isn’t giving you what you want.

Remember the guy who used to blow up your phone? He’d consistently be asking you to do things, to go out, even if you said no the first five times. But to you he was too easy; you didn’t want him because there was no chase, and we all love the chase. It builds desire and intimacy. You could have had that guy, because he actually liked you, he wanted you, he was interested and made it a point to be known by repeatedly making an effort even if he got rejected the first few times around.

But the guy who won’t talk to you about what you are is not interested. I hate to break it to you. I wish I could put some nice spin on it, but I can’t because the truth is if he is interested in you he will make it known. He will do dumb things, he will embarrass himself and he will make his presence known. Just like you are doing to the guy who won’t talk to you about what you are.

Move on, walk away, and let him go. It might be months or years of hanging on but it’s time to finally let go and walk away. It’s time to be alone and embrace being single. Truly single. Stop looking at your phone waiting for a text, stop obsessively checking his favorites. It’s time to cut the rope you’ve been hanging on to and feel what it’s like to live for yourself again.

Walking away from the wrong guy will open up your heart to finding the right guy because he is out there and you will be good enough for him. He will love you and most of all, he will communicate with you about what you are. TC mark

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You look back and you just feel stupid.
You can’t forgive yourself for falling
or believing all the lies.
You reread every text.
You relive every memory.
And it all starts making sense —
he never wanted love.
He only wanted attention.
He only wanted validation.

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