I am grateful that I have felt love, thankful even when there are times when I’m uncertain if what I felt was actually love. Yet I am ashamed of the moments I found myself struggling to keep my relationships thriving just because I was scared to be alone, afraid to be dejected. Who are we kidding? We all have parts of us trembling at the idea of having no one to love us, to look after us, to make us feel valued, or to need us. We need to have someone tell us that life isn’t complete without our presence, that we are the missing piece to complete a puzzle waiting to be finished, or that we are the finishing touch to a masterpiece. We sacrifice time, this irreversible gift, trying to make things work, failing to realize that we won’t ever reap favorable outcomes because we’re not spending it with the right person. No matter how perfect our intentions or our acts of love are, when we are offering the best parts of ourselves to the wrong people, we will always fall short.
We are scared to leave even when it’s emotionally and mentally torturing us because we’re afraid of restarting, of having to do it all over again. We don’t have the courage nor the energy to lay out our issues to someone new. We endure what’s currently existing, regardless of the pain it inflicts on us because, though we refuse to admit it, we are scared to undergo a reset. We don’t want to step outside of our comfort zone, outside of the box, hence we settle. We settle for what’s there because we are uncertain if there’s actually someone else who would be willing to see past the numerous baggage we possess, to see beyond our shallow parts. We are doubtful that there are other people who can take us for who we really are, including our deepest and our darkest parts, therefore we choose to settle with those who already know, those who know nothing better but use our exposed selves against us, to hold us captive in their own selfish intentions.
It’s true when they say we don’t just give up on relationships when they get hard, but we have to understand that hardships experienced in a relationship should not be caused by the ones we love. Struggles arise from occurrences caused by external causes, ones that both you and your other half should overcome. We should learn the huge difference between overcoming problems, which are innate in any growing relationship, versus resolving conflicts caused by someone who intentionally creates them.
The chapters of ourselves we allow others to read should never be a weapon used to demean us. People should not even dare think of these as weapons they hold to hurt us, to manipulate us. Who we are deep within should be ours to embrace. No one ever has the right to make us think that they own parts of us. Nobody has the right to use our insecurities, our flaws, or our unpleasantness against us, especially when we finally have the courage to choose ourselves, to break free from the box they chose to enclose us in.
Don’t be afraid to choose to be alone, knowing it’s temporary. Being alone does not equate to being lonely. In the long run, spending and wasting time with the wrong person would only result in a life filled with regrets instead of a life fulfilled. Eventually, things will fail on their own, leading to more harm than good. You could have spared both you and your partner, if only you were selfless and brave enough to let each other go.