Looking for someone in everyone else you meet is unfair. It’s unjustifiable.
Imagine how unjust you become simply because every time you meet a person, you hope to hear a familiar voice. You secretly wait for conversations you got used to, you look in one’s eyes and pray that you see gray and green instead, you hope to feel the same hands that once held you, you wish to feel the same warmth you felt when you rest your head in one’s chest, because the height difference of you and your recently lost love made you hear his heart beat fast to slow then steady, serving as a reminder that you were alive and the moment was real, no matter how surreal it felt.
It’s crazy to keep wanting things which suffocate you; it’s crazy that you’re hurting but you still hope it’s you and him in the end.
Dreaming of what once was yours to once more be within your reach feels a little too hopelessly romantic, but having the realization that it’s impossible (because of how much time you’ve already wasted waiting for him to tell you that he desires the same things) turns you into a hopeful case. A case that might be considerably fair to another being who is not going to make you live in uncertainty, one who’s not going to choose you only when it is convenient, one who’s willing to accept you for who you are (not change you only to satisfy his current needs), one who’s proud to have you, enough to not make you beg for anything just to be acknowledged, someone who’s going to help you find yourself rather than lose it.
There will come a time when you meet someone and see him as he is, not someone you hope he’d rather be. When that time comes you will realize why the love you thought was your fairy tale ended the way it did, so bitterly that it took you quite some time to be cured. When that time comes you’ll realize how you’ve been blinded by a strange feeling, an emotion you mistakenly thought of as love, only to find out it’s nothing but heavy manipulation. When enlightenment shines upon you, this person will be yours wholly and you will be his, not only as each other’s choice because options ran out, not only because it’s you he thought he wanted at his moment of weakness and loneliness. The time will come when you meet someone and not look for somebody else’s face, voice, and eyes—you will genuinely look at this person and love and see him as he is.
The situation you’re in right now will only make you stronger, as it has little to no power over you. You have to feed yourself with things you deserve, not with lies you convince yourself you need just to feel loved or at least reassure yourself that anyone who shows you even the slightest attention is capable of reciprocating the sterling love you freely give. Know that the man who really loves you won’t give up on you, only continuously learn so you grow and prosper together.
He will find you—trust that he will, because you also deserve to be loved and be seen for who you truly are, not merely as someone he hopes you’d rather be.