Here Are Some Words For The Man Who Is No Longer Mine

Jean Gerber
Jean Gerber

“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

If the heart has a memory, somewhere in time, in the vast lingering landscape of the mind, these words will forever be inscribed — wherever life takes you, I wish you nothing but happiness and love.

How ironic! When was the last time I set you free? And that’s exactly what I’m thinking now — setting you free once again because I want you to be happy. Let’s not prolong this masquerade because it depreciates me while you get away with murder. Consider this as my last goodbye.

You know what? I have realized that when it comes to love, dogs are far off better than humans. When I first stumbled upon this observation, I refused to believe it. You proved this statement true.

All along, I thought you’d love me forever but you’ve just used me as an instrument of your selfishness. I trusted you for so long only to find out that you are nothing but a boy. Yes, you are nothing but a chauvinist boy! I wonder why there are guys who feel like knight in shining armor but deep inside are all rats.

I wonder why there are guys who think they are hot stuff with their Ray Bans on and their Mercedes Benz Cars — checking out women as if we are pieces of meat on the rack. I wonder why there are guys who regard women as toys designed for their amusement.

I love you. Yes, I did tell you that but I didn’t force you to believe in it. What could possibly go wrong?  I didn’t know but obviously I failed. I have loved you especially those days that you were so kind to me, and those moments that I have never recognized you, it was because you started to change. I even loved you the last time you decided and finally said, you have found someone else to love. I knew it was not just simply words but a decided fact.

It’s true, there are no simple story written about heartbreaks. There is only one simple line and that is, “love is the strongest  weapon in the world.”  Yet still, for the last time I’m allowing my few more burning tears to fall down and to be shed at this very moment. And from now on, you will no longer find my phone-call at 2 A.M just to tell you how I terribly missed you the whole day.

I will no longer give you calls to wake you up every morning. No more secrets whispered at night and no more silly jokes told in the morning. You will never see me again hanging around  you. You will no longer hear your phone rings with my name popped up on it and you will never see those messages that always filled your inbox full. You will no longer see me cry when you get sick. And you will no longer find those pieces of chocolates in your car. You will no longer see me grin when you do something silly. You will no longer feel my hands wiping your face whenever you eat like a little kid. You will no longer find me snuggle up on your sofa waiting for you to arrive home from work. You will no longer hear about me. You will just see those four corners in an empty space with the traces of me.

I’ll get out with this mess. I have to stay alive to find those missing pieces to complete the life you broke. And I want you to know that even though you broke my heart, the love in it  is still here deep inside. I still love myself anyway and I still know what this thing called, LOVE really means. But you know, the only difference of you and I is that, my love is true. It is a love that is unselfish and kind- a love that my parents orchestrated since I was a kid. The love that,  I know, will save me when all hope is lost.

The pain in my heart is killing me but it’s okay. I will be moving on. I will leave you to your bliss and peace. I will move out of the insular world which has sheltered our togetherness for quite long time. And, while you are loving her, I will make the best out of what life has given me.

I want to understand what is mine: that is why I’m letting everything go. I’ll keep what is for me and will stay mine forever. There’s a road I need to go through alone and there is a right moment wherein I need to say goodbye. And when I said goodbye, it means that is your way and this is my way and it will never cross again.

I’m Okay!

I will be Okay. Because I’m strong and the love I have deep in my heart is always true. I will be okay because no matter how many times people stomp on my heart, they will NEVER take away the LOVE in it. This is the only thing I have left for myself. And if our Creature will finally decide to take me away from this world, know in your heart that you were deeply and truly loved. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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