15 Times You’ll Find People Who Don’t Run Running
By Bari Cutler
Sometimes I ask my friend if she wants to go on a run. She’ll laugh and say, “No, do you?” I always reply, “No, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t want to either.” Some people aren’t made out to be all-star track racers. Some people aren’t made out to exercise like that. I am one of those people. But, some times you will find us running are when we’re:
1. Being chased by a bee. Because there’s nothing more terrifying than a buzzing sound and spotting the black and yellow pattern flying too close for comfort.
2. About to miss a flight. And all of a sudden we’re running 5Ks through the airport like we’ve been training all our lives.
3. Too far behind our friends. Always results in that speedy jog to catch up because God forbid you look like you’re walking alone.
4. Crossing the street while cars are coming. Because nobody has time to wait for the pedestrian walk signal these days.
5. Coming up from the basement when home alone. Seriously. You either sprint up those stairs or the serial killing monster attacks you. A few huffs and puffs is worth saving your life, no?
6. In a parking lot at night. It’s not the dark that scares us. It’s who or what can grab us before we make it to our car that gets us moving a little faster.
7. Trying to catch the elevator. A few speedy strides are so worth not having to walk up all those stairs, am I right?
8. Reuniting with somebody. We’re so excited to see them; we don’t even realize we just galloped into their arms.
9. Trying to beat a store’s closing. No! You have to let me in! I just sprinted all the way to this door from my car 10 feet away!
10. Going down a steep hill. Try walking down. You can’t. It’s an automated bodily response; we have no choice here.
11. Late for our TV show. Olivia Pope’s life is going to continue whether we’re there to watch on time or not.
12. Not near our phone and it’s ringing. SOMEBODY ACTUALLY WANTS TO TALK TO ME?!
13. Being “followed” by a creepy man. How dare this man who just hasn’t combed his hair walk in the same direction as me?
14. Dodging the police at a high school party. TBT. We’ve all been there. And who knew we could jump a fence like that too?
15. Needing to use a bathroom. Run, Forrest, run.
…So maybe we really do need yet another pair of those over-priced, neon Nikes after all?