Your Love Should Save Me, Not Destroy Me

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Riccardo Mion / Unsplash

Everything hurts: my head, my chest, my bones. I feel the grief holding my heart in a tight grip and not letting it go.

I can’t breathe, because I don’t know how to live without you. You have become my air, my cure.

I wish I could find a way to wake up and know that you are going to be sleeping next to me. Because you are everywhere I go. You are in my cursed day, and in my sleepless nights. It is hard to believe that you will never come back. It is hard to realize that I am not what you need anymore. It is hard to face the fact that I am just another “old chapter” of your life.

Your love is not redemptive anymore. You were what I needed to grow, but now you are eradicating the roots of love that I have cherished for 24 months. So yesterday I came to stay. I left with my heart broken, soaked in my tears. I thought I was stronger, but, apparently, I am not. Every piece of my mind is crumbling down and with it, my blood became poisonous and is suffocating me. I wish you feel the excruciating pain that is coming from my heart. I wish you could see the hole you excavated in my heart. I wish you tried to understand my anxiety and not hoping to change it.

I gave up too much of myself for you, and now you are leaving me, with my bare hands and a broken heart.

I am wounded by the pain and the fear of not being able to find what we had. And this terrifies me. It terrifies me because I gave so much of my life to you. And now that you are leaving me, those wounds can open up, once again and expose my deepest fears and insecurities.

My heart is now empty and cold. It is screaming for mercy. I wish you could listen to its broken beat and realize how much pain you are provoking in my soul.

I dreaded this moment since the first spark of love in your eyes. But I did not have time to defend myself, to protect myself from these last pieces of what once were two intertwined souls. TC mark

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