Love is everything but egoism.
This is why I am leaving you the space you need to reflect, break things, discover new worlds.
But this does not mean that something inside me has not been shattered. I am hurt from what I believe there was between us, and I am hurt that maybe it had never actually been a reality. I am hurt because I have never heard of someone who needed time off to ‘work on themselves,’ since usually it’s something that cannot find a solution in a person alone, but in the communion of two intertwined souls.
Our love should be your shelter, and you just dismantled it. You envision it as a time-consuming distraction, when it should have been the only thing that keeps you going, the only thing that keeps you thriving.
With this I am not begging you to stay or to change your mind, because that would make me feel vulnerable and weak and, right now, all I need is the strength that I have collected during the years spent alone, before you arrived. It will take time for me to metabolize these erratic feelings that are restlessly wandering in my soul. It will take a while before I will get accustomed to the chronic pain of our long-lasted love, an excruciating emptiness in my stomach, and a burning voraciousness in my eyes.
But I will disappear from your sight. I will respect your decision – not because I don’t want to be with you, not because I am so deluded with the perfect idea of us that I guarded in my mind – but because I love you too much to force you to choose against your will. I love you too much to keep you with me.
After all, you are my cure, and it breaks my heart to force you to find in me what I have found in you. I am not taming you here, but don’t forget that I am not going anywhere. Escaping would be too damn simple.
Love forced me to project in you what I could not see in myself. So I won’t cowardly betray my feelings; I will stay with all the pain and wait for you to come back in front of the elevator where we first met.