woman standing near snow covered field during daytime

I Wanted You To Be Happy, But I Didn’t Expect It To Hurt So Much

It’s been six months since I started trying to bury my feelings for you. I have tried my hardest to bottle up my emotions. I even did some pathetic acts just to help myself get up after falling for you.

I tried to ignore you.

I tried not to hang out with you.

Yet, here I am, still in love with the person who is in love with someone else and merely sees me as a friend.

Even so, I want you to know that I am happy that you have finally found her—your happiness.

I can see how the sparkle in your eyes has changed since the day she came into your life. I can feel the bliss she has brought into your being. I can hear the fluttering sound of your heart whenever she is around.

I might be crazy, but seeing you this happy is what makes me happier. It may sound untrue, but I prayed for this. That you may finally meet the one that you’ve been waiting for.

So, here it is. God answered my prayers when he answered yours and it felt so ambivalent. I did not know that granting that prayer would tear my heart apart—I broke my heart as I was trying to fix yours.

Although I am genuinely happy for you, I just cannot stop myself from hurting just yet. I guess this will take some time. I have already picked up all the shattered pieces of this stupid, fragile heart. I just find it difficult to cover the deep cut this pain has caused.

But this is what life is.

You need to be happy for people you care about, even if you are not part of their happiness.

It is inevitably painful, but we have to accept that the truth can be harsh sometimes. Enduring pain is part of life. Just don’t let it destroy you. Let your wisdom and strength grow from it instead.

You’ve known me to be a jolly person, and I’ve known you to be an observant one. But have you ever noticed some of my faked smiles and laughs just to show my support for you? I bet you have not, because your eyes were all on her.

Confessing my feelings for you actually crossed my mind. I wanted you to know, but I don’t want to tell you. This dilemma still lingers in the corners of mind. I am curious to know what could happen if I told you, but I am afraid to lose the friendship too.

If only I could forget my feelings for you as quickly as the time flew by.

I may not be over it yet, but I will get through this. It may take days, weeks, or even months, but surely this feeling will pass completely from existence.

As you start your happily ever after together, I guess I have to start loving life more too. There is still a beautiful life to be lived and a beautiful story to be told.

Wishing you your happiness breaks my heart, but it will break my heart even more if I lose you, my friend.

You are not the only fish in the sea—that’s what I keep on telling myself. And I’m choosing to save what we have—I want to save our friendship.

“Friendship may, and often does, grow into love, but love never subsides into friendship.” — Lord Byron

It’s been six months of moving on. No one said that this was going to be easy, but that does not mean it’s not possible to lose feelings for you.

I may regret not telling you how I truly feel for you, but I think some things are better left unsaid.

I destress through art & bleed through ink and pen.

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