To The Guy Who Left, Just Know That I’m Still Here

To the guy that left,

I was always rooting for us, even on our worst days. Days where unmentionable things were said and many tears where shed. Days where “stop talking to me”, was spoken repeatedly, and the block button was being used constantly. Some might have called our relationship toxic, and it’s probably true. No, it’s definitely true, but I just really wanted to look past that.

For a while, you wanted to look past it too. Sometimes we would go months without talking, one time we almost made it to a year, but yet we still found our way back to each other. This time is different though. I felt it in the way you looked at me and the way you talked to me. I could tell you didn’t feel for me the same way you used to. I don’t blame you for any of the things that have happened in the past, but I also don’t blame myself. You have a lot of growing to do, as do I. For some reason I just thought we would be able to do it together.

Maybe it was because you were there for so long that I never really wanted you to be gone. We were always a mess, from constant arguments to emotional rollercoasters, there was nothing that could happen that would make me not want to respond to a text, a DM, a phone call from you. To this day there’s still nothing that would stop me from responding to any of those things.

You decided that I wasn’t worth it anymore, and trust me, that doesn’t hurt my feelings, in any way shape or form. I still know I’m great, we just weren’t great for each other. It may have taken us, well you, five years to come to that conclusion. Part of me wishes you didn’t. I’m still having a hard time trying to get used to the fact that we aren’t going to be a complete mess together anymore, but I’m glad you made that decision for us. Just like you decided most things like where to eat or what movie we were going to see, just because I never really wanted to decide. You were always there to do the things I didn’t want to do.

I’m glad you cut things off, for whatever reason it was, whether it was to benefit me or you, it needed to happen. Even if you didn’t do it for me, it’s something I needed. I needed to learn how to stand on my own. I still miss you a little bit more on days that are bad. Wishing you were there to cheer me up or make all my problems go away. I wish our last encounter would’ve gone better but sometimes life just happens.

Thanks for sticking by my side for most of high-school and constantly making me laugh or giggle at the slightest things. Thanks for sending me endless pictures of your dog just because I thought he was so cute. Thank you for giving me life experiences good and bad. You’re one person that I never wanted to let go of, but you let go of me, and now that’s just something I ’m going to have to live with, but I’m still here.

From the girl who stayed