Even Though You’ve Stopped Loving Me My Heart Still Beats For You

Annie Spratt / Unsplash

I have stopped letting you take over my life, finally.

I have stopped wondering about what you could be doing or what you could be thinking. I have stopped playing your favorite song in hopes of reliving what we had. I have stopped repeating the words you told me when you left. I have stopped focusing all my strength to what could have been and finally faced what is.

I started treating myself better again. I started getting up early in the morning again just to live each day to its fullest as you had told me. I started reading again, and with each turn of a page, I feel more alive. I started doing things that don’t remind me of you again.

I started visiting my friends again. I went with them a couple of times and it made me remember how much I love going out. I started talking to my parents, too. I told them what happened and they told me better things could still happen. I also told them that you would probably never leave my heart but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

The memory of you leaving doesn’t hurt me anymore. But I will never forget you. I will never forget what we had, what we did, and what we said. I will never forget all your promises and secrets but I will continue hoping someone could ever live up to you.

Really, there are a lot of things I have yet to do. I still have to face a lot of faces, accept a lot of truths, and understand a lot of realizations. I still have to forgive a lot of people; I still have to forgive myself. But the things I already did outweigh those that I have yet to do.

Because out of all I managed to start doing, I have finally started visiting you again. My heart doesn’t drop when I put the flowers by your name anymore. Tears still flow but I wonder if it’s because I’m still not over the fact that you left without saying goodbye or because I still blame myself for letting your heart stop without telling you how I feel. I wonder if my tears were for you or for me.

I have a lot of things I still have to sort through and I know that the road in front of me is a long one. I also know that this is the last piece I will write for you. But even then, you will not leave me. Even then, you will remain.

Because I know that my heart will always beat for you even if your heart stopped beating for me. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I write, sometimes

Keep up with Bai on Instagram and Twitter

More From Thought Catalog