You Haven’t Found ‘The One’ Yet, But That Does NOT Mean There’s Something Wrong With You

Jimmy Bay
Jimmy Bay

We pity ourselves sometimes. We only have our imagination to look into to tailor our ideals on what it’s like being in a relationship. We depend on daydreaming on the way home from work, smiling silly on the scenarios that run in our heads over and over again.

We even have to write articles of our own interests and make it sound like it’s the voice of like-minded people, but in fact, it’s our place to vent out, just because we’re hopeless romantics. And it’s something that we hate to admit too.

We are all somehow bound to the idea of finding ‘the one.’ Lost in the idea of ideal guy checklists, swiping lefts and rights, hopeful friendship roots, or meeting friends of friends.

We’ve probably met ‘the one’ already. A lot of them in fact. The one who taught us how to love. The one we would have to let go. The one who got away. The one we’re gonna spend forever with.

But for most of us who are looking for that certain someone who will make mornings lighter, work more fun, and going home an excitement, it feels like we’re waiting for something that will never come. And it’s frustrating.

It’s saddening. Because in reality, all we want is an acknowledgement than we’re more than just an individual privileged with existence. We also want to feel that we can be more than just a girl. That maybe, we’re a kind of someone that another would be afraid of losing. That maybe, we’re a person that someone will exert efforts into wooing. That maybe, somewhere out there, we’re the exact person someone is wishing for. It’s reassuring knowing we’re more than just existing to pay the bills and fulfill an 8-5.

But it sucks when you only get to observe it. It sucks when you’re not at the receiving end. It sucks when seemingly all the people around you are getting cute texts in the middle of working hours, your cousin with her 3rd bouquet of the month, all your friends getting married, and then there’s you.. just existing.

It feels like we’re unwanted. And you can’t share it with anyone else because it turns into a rub on your face when you hear yourself sharing something as shallow- only it’s not.

It’s not just about the feeling of being wanted. It’s not just about the feeling of showing you’re likeable. But also the feeling of assessing your worth. The feeling itself of reciprocating, of understanding, of passion, of togetherness, of all things that love is, only you don’t know because you’re not experiencing it.

We question if we’re ugly. We wonder if we’re not really the kind of person you date. We ask if we’re only the “friend” type of woman- or worse- we want to know if the opposite sex even sees us as a woman.

But there is nothing wrong with you.

Maybe there’s something wrong with them.

Sure, it‘s great to feel like a woman. It’s great to receive flowers for no apparent reason. It’s great to feel the love and affection that you can get from someone else. It’s great to cuddle all night and just feel each other. It’s great to plan 2 futures together and mend it to one. It’s great to know there’s someone who you can rely on when you need to.It’s all great. And I understand that sentiment fully.

But what a lot of us don’t realize is that being wanted does not define your femininity nor your rating as a woman. Being swooned after does not make you more of an ideal lover.

It just simply means you have not met the person who will see you as the prettiest gem in a jewelry shop. Maybe he hasn’t bumped into you yet when you’re on your way to get your 3rd coffee for the day, or you haven’t gotten stuck yet in the middle of nowhere catching yourself hitch hiking with him, or you haven’t accepted the new job offer yet where he also works in as the IT guy, or that you haven’t rode an Uber Pool with him yet on your way to your best friend’s wedding, or someone you know haven’t realized yet that the time he is waiting to figure out his feelings when he could spend it with you.

There’s a lot of reasons why you haven’t met ‘the one’ yet, and being less of a woman is not one of them. TC mark

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Azelle Lee is a 20-ish Fine Arts graduate who loves to write about life, love, and travel. When she's not lost in the ... Read more articles from Azelle on Thought Catalog.