1. We Are Complex Beings Searching For Love
Relationships are colorful and humans are complex. Maybe you are an empath? A water moon sign? A highly sensitive person? Do you have high emotional intelligence? Our DNA makes us each so individually unique, beautiful, and abnormal.
Maya Angelou states, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” As human beings, naturally we are looking for our tribe, that long-lasting relationship, friendship, or connection that pulls a little at our heartstrings, making us feel alive.
There are several billion plus people in this world. Have you ever thought about the magic that was conjured by the universe, conspiring with two souls to have the opportunity to cross paths? When the stars align, we will make an unimaginable impact on each other in this lifetime—this is why we never forget how they made us feel. We become a collection of our culture and lived experiences.
2. Sit In The Truth
I know it is hard right now to see the truth. Sometimes the universe gives us a division because we are just not ready to merge cohesively. Inevitable paths will cross, and we enter when the stars align in both of our individual stories. Have you ever thought about meeting your best friend five years earlier? I think we would both agree we had some growing in between then and now. When we do meet and no matter what happens, even if this relationship goes array, this will become either a lesson and blessing or a combination of both.
There are relationships where we can be with someone for a great period of time, building and blossoming like a caterpillar to a butterfly, having no interest in turning the chapter. Sometimes in love, we get comfortable. The discomfort in your comfort zone is that it can kill you. On the other end, there are relationships where we run out of love. Yes, love does change. Sometimes we accept less in love because of all the bad things that happened, distorting our worth. Sometimes we must learn or become reminded of hurt in order to feel, knowing what is drifting away from us and has become potentially lost.
Sometimes we dismiss the things we know. We do this to protect our hearts. Sometimes we hold onto the potential of the illusion. This is based on what we know and feel comfortable accepting, this fantasy we fuel about how we project it all going. Sometimes we find that the foundation was never built structurally strong from the start; suddenly, the cracks start to surface and simultaneously we find ourselves at a loss of what we want from this relationship, ourselves, and the world.
Through the pain we become better versions of ourselves and create inclusive environments for our relationships and friendships to foster growth. We try to prevent heartache, but it’s inevitable.
We go through a series of relationships in our lifetimes. Sometimes we fit on the friendship line, and sometimes, on the family line. Sometimes we become entangled in messy hookup situations. If we are lucky, we’ll find ourselves on the side with love; where we crush, court, blend, and even procreate life. If you are afraid that you will become bigger than this person, maybe it is time to evaluate if you both aspire for different things. If they want a lower quality version of you, maybe it is time to let them fall off. If you feel that you are always compromising your energy to support someone, never receiving support back, then it is safe to say you are on different pages.
3. It Is Important To Trust Again
I know it is hard to trust right now. We trust hoping that the other reciprocates; sometimes this does not happen. You should know that when trusting with all the tender fragments of your vessel, you show the world that you are open to being loved and also open to heartbreak. I believe that love conquers all and that trust is an integral part of a foundation builder. Heartbreak does not kill you—it transforms you. Be light and be love—your energies will vibrate to attract light and love.
4. It Is Okay To Walk Away From Those That Do Not Know How To Grow With Or Love You
When we do not water the people who feed us, they fall off. It is okay to walk away from those that do not know how to or cannot hold your heart. I know that you did not give up on them. But It is not okay for you to hold onto wanting more and seeing the potential of someone that will not feed the circle. In our circles, we synchronize growth and love; together, we vibrate harmoniously. Sometimes in our relationships, we run out of growth and not love.
5. Live On Transparency And Vulnerability
Transparency is allowing yourself to feel and experience—here we do not look to fix, but to sit in what feels right to us. This is a responsibility to us as individual entities; this is growth. Vulnerability is best defined by Brene Brown as “the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.” These two are magnetic—pay attention to the impact this creates. The world needs more love.
6. Keep Your Heart Open
We live in a do more time with shorter attention spans. This means that the more we pack onto our plates, the more we are praised. As our responsibilities grow, so do our needs. In turn we admire more selflessness, laughter, and people who inject more love into this world. Higher levels of empathy, compassion, and humility are needed in fostering soul-nourishing relationships.
Promise me that you will not chase a relationship because it makes you happy. Happiness is within the self first. Promise me that you will not become jaded in love, entangling your heart in a web of saving anyone. Promise me that you will compromise in your relationships, while making the promise to self that you will not change your DNA.
Promise me that you will allow the walls to come down—let them in. Not everyone will hurt you. Promise me that you will be a little less cautious. Remember who you were before this world changed you. Promise me that if you have the opportunity to do this again, you’ll take what you have learned and apply it into the next chapter. Promise me that if you find yourself in an unequal vibration, you will do only what is best for you. Promise me you will learn and speak your worth.
7. It Is Okay To Be Selfish
Maybe right now it is about finding peace with the situation and solitude within the self. Maybe it is about recognizing that right now it is okay not to be “us” shifting the focus to “me”. Being an entity on your own is a beautiful thing, sit in you. Sometimes selflessness comes in the form of letting go for both you and them. If you feel like you have nothing to offer, think about all the reasons why your friends and family adore you. If you cannot think of a reason, try smiling at a stranger—YOU just shed a little sunlight on someone’s day.
Tap into your inner child. Let us open the chapter from your fifth birthday. Do you remember that kid? What do you remember in those moments? Our lenses at the time held a new world—no judgement, no biases, no preconceived notions. Start the healing here.
8. Play Your Life Song
Like writing, music is a form of art, having the power to transport us to another place and time. You are a work of art, your artwork being your song. This is a collection of memories ranging from the first time you rode your bike without training wheels to moments leading up to your last heart break. Take me home to your memories, your safest songs, preparing you for this day.
This room holds many good and not so great memories. This is a safe space: this is home. It is everything you have ever been through; it is your structure creating characteristics and complexities within your beautiful thick skin to face the world. There is comfort in discomfort of risking experiences and walking into the unknown. Our stories are everything that will make us enough for the experiences destined for us in this lifetime. Yes, repeat after me: I am enough.
9. It Is Okay To Feel Afraid Of The Unknown
Being human means making mistakes. They say our comfort zone can kill us, so we start in the gray area. Your next step may be being less fearful of the chapters yet to be written. That emptiness you felt after leaving that situation is meant to be there. You were built to navigate the tides every day, to swim and not sink in uncertainty. You will adapt.
It is okay to smell his bergamot musk across the room. It is okay to hear his infectious humor in another. It is okay to feel his embrace when digging into the back of your closet, grabbing his t-shirt, the one you stole before it was all over. You will now assign new memories to these things, defined by you and without another vessel.
Honor your complexities, sit in the truth, live your truth unapologetically, meet new people, commit to the promises above, replay your life song every once in a while; you will find your tribe. I want you to know that if you cannot, I will leave my door open for you. Have compassion for yourself and fall in love with yourself again by growing from the void. Trust. Do not be afraid of your future song. Start by playing your life song.
You are worthy of that soul-nourishing relationship. Promise me you will allow approval of it to find you. Do not forget how far you have come, what is meant to be will find its way to you.
Lastly, Please repeat after me: I will love like I have never been hurt. I will love like I have never been hurt. I will love unapologetically like I have never been hurt, because I can and I will. You will love again; you will find soul-nourishing love.