I Asked Him To Convert For Me And I Hate Myself For It

image - Flickr / edward musiak
image – Flickr / edward musiak

I wasn’t strong enough to fight for you – I hate myself for being weak and letting you go, just like that.

Islamic marriage requires a Muslim woman to marry a Muslim man, where as a Muslim man can marry a woman of a different religion. I don’t agree with my religion on this because it’s clearly a double standard. But regardless of what I thought of this statute, I asked you to convert for me so we could be together and so my parents would accept you. But thinking about it with a clear mind, I was very wrong to ask you to do something like that. I would get lost in the heat of the moment where we would fight on what our next step would be. I wanted to be with you so badly; I would blurt out whatever came to mind without thinking of what I was actually saying. How can you ask someone to convert for all the wrong reasons? I’m really sorry for that- our bitter ending was my entire fault.

I should’ve been strong enough to fight for you, but I wasn’t. I chose the easy route. The route where I wouldn’t have to deal with hardships and heartaches that would come from my Pakistani Muslim parents after I would tell them that I was in love with a spectacular Taiwanese man. If I could go back and choose between you or my parents again – I would still pick my parents. And not because I don’t love you as much as I love them, but because I would never want to put you through the stress, the great struggle and resentment that would come from my parents. You deserve to be with someone who isn’t so religiously and culturally segregated when it comes to marriage. You deserve someone who is easy to love- because love shouldn’t be this hard.

I hate that my religion prevents us from being together. But what I hate even more is that I’m not strong enough to fight for you. I wish I were. I think about it everyday of my life ever since we broke up. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you or love you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and to lose you because of my decision is something that I have to live with forever. And it’s not easy. TC mark

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