Thought Catalog

Why 21st Century Dating Is An Absolutely Nightmare For Genuine Human Beings

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Flo Karr

Dating is seemingly more ‘easier’ now as compared to our parents’ era. Whether you’re Kinsey six gay or a hetero-romantic bisexual looking for some fun, you can literally choose who you want to date with a swipe of your finger. Tinder, OkCupid, Her, Grindr, take your pick.

Everyone on the app is either ‘not looking for anything serious’, or is too broken to date so they just want someone to temporary take their minds off their ex. People are too afraid to feel something real that when they meet someone who feels the same way as they do, they run for the hills.

Instead of being exclusive with someone, people would rather sleep with multiple partners rather than have great sex and feel the connection with one because they want to keep their options open. We’d rather date multiple people at once because it’s much easier and more thrilling than just seeing one person. We’d rather tweet or post on Facebook with indirect hints how angry we are with someone than directly confronting them because we won’t have to go through the bullshit couples do. We’re all playing these games just to see who would climb the ladder the highest and win.

Since when did dating become this hard?

No one actually gives a fuck about the other anymore; they just want it all for themselves. We don’t communicate our feelings to one another but instead play this guessing game with no intention of being with that person because it means you care and you’re weak. Because whoever cares the least wins, right?

Wrong.

When you do that, you actually miss out great opportunities with people who you could make one of the best memories of your life. When I like someone, I do what I can as a decent human being to not make the girl I’m talking to think I’m uninterested. I’ve never ghosted someone, stood someone up on a date, or tried to make her feel like I don’t give a fuck about what’s going on between us. I always make sure to let her know how I feel, regardless whether or not I intend to date her in the future.

Because that’s what a decent human being will do instead of ghosting or standing someone up. When I feel a connection with someone, I let her know instead of letting her wonder for months whether or not I actually give a fuck about her.

I don’t take 3 hours to reply to a text when my phone is in my hands, I reply as soon as I can. I don’t play games and go round the bush just to get my point to her, I let her know and ask her how she feels about it. I respect her enough to not take advantage of her when I have the chance, but let her tell me if she’s comfortable with it or not, and if she isn’t, I don’t get worked up over it.

When I want to take a girl out on a date, be it to dinner or to the zoo, I let her know it’s a date and not just ‘hanging out’. I’m upfront and straight to the point because at least I know whether or not the girl’s really interested in me, or is just looking for a temporary fix. It filters out the uncertainty and doubts and it saves both of our time.

When I like a girl, I let her know even if it means looking like a buffoon. Half the time they either run for the hills or ghost me totally but at least I was being a genuine person and it honestly saves so much of my time and I could move on to bigger and better things.

You may look like a fool showing someone you care about them genuinely, especially if they don’t reciprocate the feeling back, but ultimately, you’re the winner.

Because at least you have the heart of a genuine person, and in this messy dating world, it matters a whole lot.

We are all trying to survive in modern dating; the least you could do is be real with someone and not run away when you actually feel something for that person because genuine people are hard to find. If you can’t find one, then be one. TC mark

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