A Letter To The Men Who Made Me Doubt Myself

Shy Woman Doubts Herself
God & Man

I am a woman. Deep and unwoven. Mysterious and unrelenting. My love is never-ending. I promise.

The ocean is my reflection. We are the same. Calming, elusive, and unknown…except I run a little bit deeper, a little bit darker.

So all of who I am will not fit into your little box of what you think I should be.

I have spent too much time chasing down men who forgot that I was magic. Men who forgot about that dog we were supposed to get in that small apartment. Men who forgot about the first time he told me he loved me after kissing me, softly, and introducing me to his parents. Men who forgot that we were soul mates.

I’ve spent way too much time trying to convince men that I am worth fighting for, growing for, and forgiving for.

So I have no more time for men who think that love is a fleeting feeling. Men who secretly remind me of the coldness and distance of my father. I’m done falling for the bad guy because of my daddy issues. I will no longer make myself less in the name of love.

I had forgotten who I am, that I am magic. But I remember clearly now.

I am woman. Feminine. Mystical. Spiritual. So even in my chaos, in my anger, and in my healing, I embody a strikingly ferocious power.

And I am worthy of all love.

I am Goddess, warrior, mother, and friend. I deserve forgiveness and second chances. I deserve an unconditional love and risk-taking. I deserve it all.

So, even in a world that has tried to make me forget where I come from, in a world that has erased my presence from all major religions, and worked to convince me of my submissiveness, I remain a Goddess. Mighty, mystical, and powerfully charismatic.

I was not meant to be understood, but loved. And I will not change for you.

I will not turn down my volume to make you more comfortable. Beat down on my confidence to make you right.

And when you leave me because your forever wasn’t true, I will still reach within myself and know that I am magnificent, intimidatingly transparent, and uniquely made.

I won’t change my magic for you. God made me my version of beautiful for a reason. Even if you have forgotten. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

I am a student of life. Chasing spirit is my joy.

Keep up with Ayanna on Instagram and Website

More From Thought Catalog