To the guy who almost loved me but didn’t,
Hi. I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while now but I have not really gotten around to doing that. You can blame it on my fear – fear of embarrassment, of rejection, and of simply making things between us worse. Given that, this is probably the closest thing I am ever going to get to at least trying to confront and resolve whatever it is that had happened to us in the past. So let me start now.
The first thing you should know is that the thought of us having already drifted apart with no possibility of ever being the way we used to be still hurts me up to this date. Time has healed the wounds, it is true, but I think the scars are here to last. Although the pain is no longer as great as it used to be when the wounds were still fresh, the scars still give painful reminders of what had been. What is worse is that they likewise bring with them an image of what could have been if only things happened in a different way. In short, as much as I would hate to admit it, I am still very much haunted by the thought of you, and more importantly, of an “us.”
However, don’t worry because I know that nothing can ever bring things back to the way they were before; and I have already accepted that fact. I may still be hurting but that is not to say that I have not yet started my journey towards moving on. I guess all I want right now is to know what had truly happened. See, I am no longer asking you to tell me that you love me; but rather, please just tell me why you didn’t or why you failed to do so. I am no longer asking you to stay but rather that you tell me why you left. I am no longer asking you to help me make things right again but rather that you help me figure out what went wrong so that when the time comes for me to love again, I may finally do what is right.
I need you to tell me what I may have done or failed to do that led you to deeming me as the wrong person for you – for us. I want to be the right person this time around – not necessarily for you, but for whomever it is that will cross my path someday. I hope you do me this small favour for my sake.
With that, I end this note with the sincerest wish that you are well and happy living the life you have now. I would also like to say thank you for letting me be a part of it even just for a short while; and that by doing so you have likewise let me have you as a part of mine. Those short moments meant a lot and it truly made me happy, so again, for that – thank you. I know someday I will also finally get to thank you not just for the good memories but even for everything that had happened wrong. I look forward to that day and I know you do too.
Someone you almost loved