I am the first one to admit that I literally can’t seem to get my life together.
Sometimes I feel like I’m on the right track, everything is going good, and then something sweeps in and knocks me back off my feet, whether it be something going on in my life, money, or just getting inside my own head. It’s hard for me to not feel like I’m being crushed under the weight of my own expectations.
When I was young, I was the little girl who knew exactly what I was going to do with my life. I had a plan, and I knew where I was going. Fast forward to me now, at this moment in my life. I laugh at the idea of having anything that even resembles a plan. It’s easy to look at other people’s lives and wonder when I’ll get that feeling of contentedness that comes with knowing what you’re doing and where you’re going in life.
I’m constantly stuck between wanting to be prepared and plan out every movement I make and being free to go with the flow; life is constantly changing, so how do you plan for change? That is what I’m still trying to figure out.
I’m not afraid to admit I have literally Googled, “How to get my shit together.” Which honestly doesn’t do much good unless you’re looking for tips on how to stay positive. Newsflash, I’m pretty positive that I don’t have my shit together.
What I have found is that almost nobody feels like they actually have their life together. I, at 20 years old, have worked more jobs that I care to admit, with people much older than me. People I would consider “adults” by all definitions.
You know what I’ve found by talking to most of them? They have most of the same thoughts that I have. The same fears in life, the same struggles. I just always assumed that by their age, I would have my life figured out, yet they have their own lists of struggles.
Which made me realize: what does having your life “figured out” even mean?
Does it mean you have money? That you don’t have to struggle financially?
Does it mean you don’t have stress? Honestly that seems literally impossible. I think everyone stresses about at least something, even if it’s trivial.
Does it mean I have a family that loves me? Because I already do, even if I don’t stay as connected with them as I should.
I wake up in the mornings, riddled with anxiety, wondering what I will do with my future. But I am beginning to realize that my life is a series of steps that I take.
You don’t have to have your life together. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that nobody seems to. People that I’ve talked to, even ones whose lives I’ve wished I could lead, didn’t feel like they had their lives together.
The one thing I can say is that all we can do is make decisions that will lead us to a healthy, happy life.
Girl, you’re doing great.