Dear Mr. Sherman,
Just quit the act already. This whole ‘saying what you really feel’ thing is getting old. How about saying things like, “It was a team effort” and “I’m just happy for the opportunity to be here”? You’re supposed to put up a facade when dealing with the media. Everybody knows that. Be classier.
Like, why did go on the offensive against Michael Crabtree on Sunday? He probably cried after watching your interview, even if he shoved you when you were trying to extend a handshake. You might have hurt his feelings.
And poor Erin Andrews. What if her ears were ringing because of how loudly you spoke? What if she didn’t actually know exactly what kind of interview she was going to get? You’re a jerk.
Stop being so blunt. It’s arrogant. You have a temper problem. Be more like Kevin Garnett. He’s passionate and dedicated. It’s good for the game.
Stop trash-talking. That’s never been a part of sports culture at all. Stop making enemies.
Stop backing up everything you say. Who told you that it’s okay to say you’re the best cornerback in the league when you’re the best cornerback in the league? That’s not how it works. If you’re outspoken, you’re supposed to be worse than the humble players.
Oh, and stop writing intelligently. Stop speaking intelligently. Start using more street slang. Start using dirty language. Start using harmful language. How about throwing your teammates and coaches under the bus for once? That ties more closely with the character society has defined for you. That is what society is more comfortable with. It’s easier to vilify you this way, you see.
Seriously, the whole “academic” thing is annoying. You’re not a “student of the game“. You’re barely even a student. I don’t care that you were the salutatorian of your high school or that graduated from Stanford with a 3.9 GPA or that you had a reputation for berating your teammates who skipped class and failed exams. You were probably just a dumb jock who got special privileges.
And is it true that you delayed your recruiting trip with Pete Carroll and USC because you didn’t want to skip an AP exam? You’re disrespectful.
Why don’t you still get along with Jim Harbaugh, who was your coach while you were at Stanford? I’m sure it was your fault. He’s white. You’re immature.
Why did you fight your PED suspension? Who cares if you were falsely accused? Who cares that the tester went on record to say that your sample was mishandled? You’re supposed to just accept the punishment, anyway. You’re unprofessional.
Why do you work so hard? Why do you care so much? Why do you defend your teammates so vehemently? Why do you dedicate everything to your fans?
Honestly, just stop having emotions altogether. You’re not supposed to feel. You’re famous. When a celebrity starts to feel pain or pressure, he or she must bottle it up and pretend everything is okay. I guess they didn’t teach you that at Stanford. You can’t be mad, just inspired. Remain stoic, no matter the situation. Otherwise, we’ll label you psychotic and misguided. Oh, what? You’re not just emotional, but also black and confident? You know that you’re the best cornerback in the league? You’re willing to go on record and say this? Okay. We’re going to label you much worse things, then.
Like a head-case.
And a cancer.