During my early twenties, my sexual appetite spiraled into a full blown addiction. Now, you might be thinking, but you were twenty, all twenty something guys are horny. And although that has some merit, sex to me was both an constant obsession and active compulsion. I was unfaithful to every girlfriend I dated. In a nine month relationship, I cheated with five different partners. Following that, nine partners in a year and a half relationship. Now, compared to some addicts, those numbers are small, but as you’ll see the entire time I was in pursuit of anonymous sex. I saw my sexual partners as a means to an end, not as people with feelings. I have since sought psychological and psychiatric treatment to eliminate this behavior and live a healthy life.
So, here are the, “5 Shocking Habits of a Sex Addict.”
1. Possessiveness of Cell Phones
If you’re dating a sex addict, I guarantee you they don’t want you to have access to their phone. That’s because, while hanging out with you, they are also texting other people. They are trying to establish their next lay. As best as I tried not being caught by deleting text message chains, one girlfriend felt my phone vibrate, so she pulled it out of my pocket and read the screen. It was only slightly incriminating but it still exposed me.
2. Hidden Email Accounts.
One of the biggest fears of a sex addict, especially those in relationships, is getting caught. So, anonymity is at the utmost importance. At any given time I had two or three email addresses I’d use. I’d sign out and clear my browser history. Especially when checking email in a public place. That’s because a sex addicts email is filled with notification from websites and emails from other partners.
3. Anonymous Sex via the Internet
Craigslist, Adult Friend Finder, Amateur Match, and Fling are some of the many websites I used to feed my sexual appetite. I’d send out ten to twenty messages every day in attempts to find casual sex. I didn’t always get responses, but I will admit that I have had sex with strangers off the internet.
For when I wanted to be safer, I’d use regular dating sites like OkCupid. The internet helps shape the narrative want to tell. This practice was entirely manipulative and I’d often lie that I was single. That’s the thing about online dating, it is public enough to gain access to a pool of people that are usually down to get down. Yet, it is discretionary enough not to get caught.
A friend of mine, who too was a bonafide sex addict, used Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram to communicate with women he had never met, solely with the intent to sleep with them.
4. Using Webcams to Document Partners
I personally never did this, but an old roommate of mine, slept with hundreds of women by twenty four. He would turn his webcam on his computer and also use his iPhone. He kept a library of all his conquests and would broadcast it to his friends. He would have women text him naked pictures with his name written on them to authenticate them.
5. Not Being Tested Out of Fear
This is where this lifestyle gets sick and dangerous. Promiscuous behavior, even when using protection, incorporates risk of contracting sexual transmitted diseases. This can be skin to skin or from improper usage. That increased probability of being at risk heightens the fear towards getting tested. By putting examination off, they pose a greater threat to their sexual partners.
Sex Addition, like any addiction, usually is a coping mechanism for some unresolved issues with anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or self esteem. It may start as a curiosity and become an unmanageable burden. It creates guilt, depression, and loneliness. It is extremely destructive and hurts everyone involved, whether that is physically or emotionally. If you feel you are struggling with it you should consult a mental health professional.