There was a time in life when I was convinced that I’d never love another human on earth the way that I loved you. Your absence was crippling and disrupted my peace. Every day was an intentional force to be reckoned with. Prying myself out of bed trying to find one thing to be grateful for became daunting.
Anxiety found its way to me more nights than I can count, leaving a gaping hole in my chest reminding me of your absence. Days, weeks and months had gone by yet I found myself still longing for you. It wasn’t long afterward when I knew that I had a problem. The day that voice crept in and told me that death would feel better than the lingering pain you left behind was robust enough to scare me into intentional, emotional freedom.
If falling in love means that I have to suffer mentally, I don’t want it. I imagine myself being married one day, years invested into a healthy relationship. Add a house, kids and maybe even a mortgage – it could all be wiped away within a single second with their absence. How would I react losing a life partner who I had built an entire life with? Would that voice then start to to persuade me that there was nothing left here worthy of my attention?
How does thoughts of suicide fit inside the narrative of love? It doesn’t. Unlike Romeo and Juliet, I don’t want to ever love another human so much that I can’t function without them.
Choose to love with intention.
Love the people given to you within healthy boundaries. Learn to not be so dependent on another human so much so that you can function in the midst of their absence. Don’t fall in love to the point to where you’re more loving to them than you are yourself. You are worth investing in and taking care of your mental health.
Don’t love someone so much to where you find yourself unable to grasp how to ever love again. Love should complement your life, not take away from it. Whether you have it or lose it, life has taught me that love doesn’t have to be so hard.
Love should be easy and given without conditions. Choose to love unconditionally and unbind your identity from another human. Enjoy their presence and the joy they bring to your life. Laugh, be silly and have fun. Separation shouldn’t ignite world war 3 but bring you to a place of adoration and appreciation for a chance to experience one of the greatest feelings and experiences that this side of life has to offer. Cherish the love that you have knowing that it brings hope, light and healing energy to those around you’ regardless of its lifespan.