This Is How You Make A Perfect Deep (South)-Fried Southern Belle

Photo by Audra Le
Photo by Audra Le

If you’ve never dated a Southern lady, well, bless your heart. Sparkling with charm and grace, your average Southern girl is well equipped with strong opinions on barbecuing, sports(!) and, of course, Yankees.

In the spirit of venerated home cooking, here is my family’s tried (and tried..and tried..) homestyle recipe for the perfect Southern Belle*:

(*Disclaimer: author grew up a liberal tomboy in the South and has no idea how to be an Actual Southern Belle)

Deep South Fried Southern Belle

  1. Heat oven to 0 Degrees (Yankee)
  2. In an heirloom mixing bowl, combine:
  3. 1 cup religious conviction (Protestant, or else it won’t rise again at the coming of days)
  4. 1/2 cup familial loyalty
  5. 2 oz. old money (or good lineage as a substitute-may not rise as quickly)
  6. 1 tablespoon each witty repartee and backhanded compliments (to taste)
  7. Stir until blended, then knead on parchment paper detailing the history of the War of Northern Aggression (i.e.: Civil War)
  8. Flatten to perfect thinness with Prom-or-Debutante-Ball-Ready rolling pin (found only in the Rolling Fork Piggly Wiggly, aisle 10)
  9. Bake 18 years
  10. Douse final dish in frat/sorority party punch with a healthy dose of tailgating
  11. Garnish with beauty pageant ribbons
  12. (Pairs well with moonshine in a converted mason jar/wineglass)
  13. Bonus: Serve at a party held at the family’s haunted Antebellum mansion

And there you have it! One fresh, authentic Southerner, just waiting to be served with a side of grits. Enjoy, y’all! TC mark

featured image – Shutterstock

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