All I Wanted Was For You To Fight For Me

Alvin Mahmudov
Alvin Mahmudov

“It’s easier to walk away than fight for what you want. But when you love someone it’s worth fighting for no matter what the odds are because anything worth having is worth fighting for.”

If they looked up the definition of frustrating or stubborn I am pretty sure there would just be a photo of you there, no description needed. I really thought you were different; I thought you potentially were the real deal. Part of me still thinks you could be that guy but we have hit a brick wall.

There’s this new amount of silence between the two of us, the kind that when you sit in a room and there isn’t even a cricket chirping. It’s enough to drive a person crazy, except when you find the one person that you think could be the one it doesn’t bother you. You’d sit in that room for as long as it took, for that person to get it through their head that you’re meant to be.

Every time I hear my phone go off I think to myself maybe this is it, maybe there will be a text telling me that you’re sorry. That we’ll run into each other on the weekends and instead of looking away you’d come right back up to me and kiss me and I’d simply ask you what took you so long.

I know that anything worthwhile is never easy and that it is something you have to fight for.

I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you. I needed you to miss me like I miss you. I wanted you to look for me like I look for you. I wanted you to fight for me, because I am always fighting for you.

I promised myself after all of my past heartbreaks and failed relationships that if I found a guy who could get past the walls that I worked so hard to put up that I would fight to keep him around. I built what I thought was an indestructible tower around my heart. You pushed through it like it was made from something as simple as sand; it came down without warning.

We’d lie in bed, my head on your shoulders and your arm wrapped around me and I felt safe. I could tell you anything and I never feared you’d judge me for it. Just like I hope you never felt judged when you let me into your past. I wanted to protect you from the things that bothered you and there wasn’t a thing you told me that made me want to run; in fact, I wanted to hold you closer.

I’ll admit that I am the girl that when she falls, she falls hard and it can seem quick. However, between spending every weekend together, whether it entailed us being tangled up in the sheets late into the night, out with friends or constantly texting or snapping back and forth, it led me to believe that you didn’t see this as just a fling. This wasn’t just a summer romance, a rebound or something to just pass the time.

I surely didn’t; I caught myself thinking about when I’d see you next or making plans for things months in advance. I don’t believe that you just saw me as someone to bide your time with.

My heart doesn’t feel that way. The way you looked at me and the things we talked about told me you saw a chance of a future with me, whatever that entailed.

In a blink of an eye, though everything changed, it wasn’t a series of events that led up to where we are now but a single moment. One day I was the girl you wanted and the next thing you know, you couldn’t even look at me, or worse you told me that it was doomed from the start. I kept asking what I did wrong, and what I could do to fix it.

I had told my friends I was scared, scared that I was falling too fast and petrified you were going to hurt me like every other guy had done in the past. I was also afraid of my feelings for you, because they were quick and strong and you can tell me till you’re blue in the face that you didn’t have the same feelings as me but I know something was developing and it scared the hell out of you. It scared the hell out of you that someone actually cared about you and saw through your bullshit of pushing people away and the idea of someone loving you despite all your flaws was petrifying.

But if love didn’t scare you a little bit it wouldn’t be real, if it was supposed to be cookie cutter and easy it wouldn’t be worth it.

I wanted you to not run away from it, to embrace it full force. I wanted you to fight for love for once because we both deserve it. I know you’re meant to be in my life, why else would seeing you even just across the street still cause my heart to drop in my chest, your kiss leave me breathless and your touch continuously leaving me wanting more.

I just want you to fight, to realize that someone else isn’t going to be better for me. That I am what is best for you, that I wait because all I want is you. That leaving me isn’t going to help you, because I’m good for you whether you can admit that out loud or not.

I want to yell at you and tell you that what we had was too amazing to walk away from, so fight for it. Fight past the fear and the unknown and let me help you figure out life and where to go from here. I’m not naïve or stupid, I know there is a chance that what I want will never happen but I’ll wait for now, even though we know I am an extremely impatient person.

I won’t lie that I hope and can’t wait for the day you’re ready to fight for me, to fight for what we have. I’m ready for you to realize that someone else isn’t better for me, that you are best for me. That leaving isn’t going to work like it did before.

When you realize this I’ll be here waiting. Despite how hurt I am, or the tears I’ve cried or the crazy amount of times I’ve cursed your name and said that I’m through we all know the truth. That I may tell you I told you so and roll my eyes but my arms will be wide open. Call it crazy or whatever but you are the one I still want.

You are someone worth waiting for, just please don’t keep me waiting forever. TC mark

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