It was some time in January when we crossed paths. It’s funny and amusing at the same time because it’s the kind that gives you a sense of familiarity; like being in a place you never once set foot on but somehow you know the exact location of every streets, every nooks and crannies, every stores. And somewhere, in between the busyness of each passing days, the late night phone calls and random conversations – we fell in love.
It wasn’t smooth and it wasn’t all that beautiful like I’ve always imagined it to be. It wasn’t easy but I know it’s real. I was never the one for grand gestures or fancy date nights. I used to be the one who holds back thinking I still have the chance to make up for what I failed to say or do the next day, but you taught me that love is all about risking. That it’s either they love you whole or they don’t love you at all. Loving you taught me what to want in a relationship. It taught me that every second with the one that you love, counts.
Loving you is like waking up on a Sunday morning unhurried, the kind that makes you want to stay longer in bed and just feel the comfort of being surrounded with pillows while basking in the small amount of sunlight that escapes through the windows.
Loving you taught me to be human. To accept vulnerability. To be fragile and brave like diving headfirst into deep waters but never worrying because you’re there with me through the thick of it all.
I used to think that love is supposed to come in like a storm or a strong wind that will sweep you off your feet or loud knocks on your door strong enough to wake you up from a stupor and how I craved for that. Eventually I learned that love is not meant to damage you or take away your inner peace. It should feel like you’re sitting in front of a fireplace, holding a cup of coffee. It should give you warmth. Warm enough for you to be able to feel like you’re home.
And when I think of all the things I wanted to share with you, all I could think of are the smallest of things as small as waking up with your legs draped over mine or coming home to the sight of you cooking dinner just so we could spend the night laughing over the silliest of things.
Perhaps that’s the greatest thing I’ve learned from those who gave me the opposite of how love should feel like . I’m grateful that all of it lead me to you. I no longer want sunset kisses, over the top surprises or a love story that’s book worthy because at the end of it all, all I want are tiny infinite moments of you and me. Just you and me.